Aspentaylor Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 Sorry another long joke, but its funny. Unfortunately they forgot "burn your arm on the truck" b/c you you do not feel like waiting for the truck to cool down. I have done that several times while changing my oil. oops Oil Change Instructions for Women 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change. 2. Drink a cup of coffee. 3. 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money Spent Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00 =================================================== Oil Change Instructions For Men 1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2. Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00,drive home. 3. Open a beer and drink it. 4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7. Place drain pan under engine. 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9. Give up and use crescent wrench. 10. Unscrew drain plug. 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12. Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13. Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15. Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off 16. Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. 17. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. 18. Neighbor shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener 19. Sunday: Skip church because, "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. 20. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle. 21. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 20. 22. Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 23. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 24. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 25. Remember drain plug from step 11. 26. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 27. Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug. 28. Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. 29. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. 30. Wash drain plug in lawn mower gas. 31. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 32. Drink beer. 33. Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. 34. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 35. Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 34. Begin cussing fit. 36. Throw stupid crescent wrench. 37. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob. 38. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 39. Beer. 40. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 41. Beer. 42. Lower car from jack stands. 43. Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 44. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43. 45. Beer. 46. Test drive car. 47. Get pulled over. Arrested for driving under the influence. 48. Car gets impounded. 49. Call loving wife, make bail. 50. 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money Spent Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00 Total $4165.00 But you know the job was done right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fox_forma Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DGIEPSS Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 that was one of the funniest things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSjohnson1422 Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desrtrat Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 thats the way it's done, right ?? been doing it that way for years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThePDB Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 thats the way it's done, right ?? been doing it that way for years <{POST_SNAPBACK}> haha, that's great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haynss Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChevySSandChevy8.1 Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 very very funny , i haven't heard it before with the DUI part Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Megashifter Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 I never change my own oil... simply because there's no place to dispose of it. I do however take my own oil and filter to the gas station 'n wait 'til it's done. I wouldn't take anything to Jiffy Lube. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tawss04 Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 I've seen too many people due that. Then they bring it to my shop because screwed something else up and send more money. It's funny because it's so true. I loved the other joke also. The only problem with it is that most women don't gwt their oil changed every 3000mi. They usually wait until it starts to make noise then take it in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CraigW Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Just good reading. But I could see someone do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stexx Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fox_forma Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 Well i had a typical bad oil change today. Had everything ready to go. Drained the oil and took the filter off which was a huge pain in the A$$ for some reason but finally got it removed. Went to put the new oil filter on and guess what.... yup its the wrong one, wouldn;t even fit so now I've been waitin all day tryin to find a way to go get a oil filter. Waiting for my mom to get off work so she can pick one up on the way home. I think I'm done doing my own oil changes, to much of a hassle after this whole shin dig. I was so mad because my new rim came and all I wanted to do was get it put on so that spare is off my truck Now I have to wait till tomorrow, go figure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspentaylor Posted March 30, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2005 Well i had a typical bad oil change today. Had everything ready to go. Drained the oil and took the filter off which was a huge pain in the A$$ for some reason but finally got it removed. Went to put the new oil filter on and guess what.... yup its the wrong one, wouldn;t even fit so now I've been waitin all day tryin to find a way to go get a oil filter. Waiting for my mom to get off work so she can pick one up on the way home. I think I'm done doing my own oil changes, to much of a hassle after this whole shin dig. I was so mad because my new rim came and all I wanted to do was get it put on so that spare is off my truck Now I have to wait till tomorrow, go figure <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Sorry to hear I actually had a similar problem when I changed the oil on my 00 Silverado a while back, but it was due to my own stupidity. I forgot to buy a filter before I drained the oil..... hehe... oops! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fox_forma Posted March 30, 2005 Report Share Posted March 30, 2005 I went to go get another oil filter and the moron at autozone almost did it again. i dont know what he was thinkin. Two seperate times he did this but I caught it this last time when i went tonight to get the new filter. Geeze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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