misterp Posted August 29, 2005 Report Share Posted August 29, 2005 Dear ________, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mrs. Right, or “Right now” for that matter. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available, or I get drunk and really horny. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition. Check those that apply... ___ The fact that your dining tastes are entirely too expensive. While I don’t mind going out to a more expensive restaurant once in awhile, I believe that being on a first name basis with the Host at Chez Pierre to be excessive. ___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" yet I have never seen any lying around leads me to believe that you may be lying around. ___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself and not one of your answers contained more than 1 syllable. ___ Your legs are thicker than mine. ___ You're too short. I’m getting tendonitis in my back from picking you up. ___ You're too tall. I like you be able to look you in the eye during sex. ___ I find your inability to check your own oil, or do any other preventative maintenance on your car entirely unacceptable. It’s not that hard, and it will save so much money down the road! ___ The fact that your apartment reeks of incense, spices, oils, scents, candles and other strange odors. ___ The phrase "if you loved me" has popped up far too often in conversation. ___ I hate your girlfriends. Does the phrase, “Frothing at the mouth male bashing hateful he-bitch” have any meaning for you? ___Guilt is not a tool to get your own way. ___Contrary to popular belief, I do occasionally like to hold an intelligent conversation. Sadly, with you, I don’t believe that your ability in the sack will ever make up for that. ___ Although I do enjoy the TV, I find your obsession with soap operas, and you expectation that I should share your obsession to be insane. ___ Your frequent references to your ex-boyfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker. ___ Your ability to occupy the bathroom for hours consisting of multiples of 3 is not something I’m looking for in a long term partner ___ Your ass is out of proportion to your height. If you should however, happen to lose the necessary 17 radial inches, please resubmit your application. ___ Somehow I doubt that male thong I found in your overnight bag was really a free sample that you found under your pillow, compliments of the hotel. ___ I am out of your league, but, you could have had me had you set your sights lower. Sincerely, ______________________ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hot rod truck Posted August 29, 2005 Report Share Posted August 29, 2005 Very funny Hmmm...I wonder if it's too late to send it to my wife's sister, 26 years later Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SS_bnoon_SS Posted August 29, 2005 Report Share Posted August 29, 2005 Best line I've ever actually gotten to use, so that you can add it to your list. Can also be adapted to rejection of buying a woman a drink or asking her to dance. ___ Don't cry, you'll date again. Just don't be so picky... I wasn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwarren Posted August 29, 2005 Report Share Posted August 29, 2005 Wish I would have had that letter a long time ago...would have made life a lot easier Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tawss04 Posted August 29, 2005 Report Share Posted August 29, 2005 Hey Mister P. I've come to the conclusion that you have way to much time on you hands . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle's03SilveradoSS Posted August 29, 2005 Report Share Posted August 29, 2005 Or perhaps he's really passionate about this subject. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchitwo Posted August 29, 2005 Report Share Posted August 29, 2005 So far in my limited...lol.. experience the women...or might I say girls I date are alway's a pain, I've come to the conclusion that it's really just me not willing to settle down yet, I mean I have no debt, I just paid off my truck, I'm working on paying off the house, and I go to Vegas once a month.....but as soon as I can find a wonderful girl who doesn't drive me crazy....at least all the time, I think my view will change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted August 30, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2005 Hey Mister P. I've come to the conclusion that you have way to much time on you hands . Oh f*ck you. Or perhaps he's really passionate about this subject. Both. No, was using Google today for something completely unrelated and ran across it on the web, haven't seen it before so thought I would share. Mr. P. edit - and as a weak attempt to defend myself, let me point out *I* do not have 3000+ posts, like *some* others around here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted August 30, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2005 So far in my limited...lol.. experience the women...or might I say girls I date are alway's a pain, I've come to the conclusion that it's really just me not willing to settle down yet, I mean I have no debt, I just paid off my truck, I'm working on paying off the house, and I go to Vegas once a month.....but as soon as I can find a wonderful girl who doesn't drive me crazy....at least all the time, I think my view will change. TTT. Don't confuse yourself over your feelings; I did that, almost telling myself the exact same thing btw. A marriage should *never* put you in debt, take a lesson from a guy who had to learn better (the hard way). And from my father - when you do find the one that just makes every area of your life improve, that's the woman marry. Personally, I like mine a bit more ...complicated. Mr. P. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted August 30, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2005 Very funny Hmmm...I wonder if it's too late to send it to my wife's sister, 26 years later DAYUM that tops my worst (best ) exploit! You Da Man! Mr. P. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woffski Posted August 30, 2005 Report Share Posted August 30, 2005 Funny!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zippy Posted August 30, 2005 Report Share Posted August 30, 2005 Hey Mister P. I've come to the conclusion that you have way to much time on you hands . Oh f*ck you. Or perhaps he's really passionate about this subject. Both. No, was using Google today for something completely unrelated and ran across it on the web, haven't seen it before so thought I would share. Mr. P. edit - and as a weak attempt to defend myself, let me point out *I* do not have 3000+ posts, like *some* others around here You're on your way to 3000, don't be fooled... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted August 30, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2005 You're on your way to 3000, don't be fooled... yeah ...you're right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m396 #00-011 Posted August 31, 2005 Report Share Posted August 31, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texas_Veteran Posted August 31, 2005 Report Share Posted August 31, 2005 Thats a good list to go by, if you want to get slapped. It has happened to me once or twice, so I speak from experience. lol Overall, very funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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