misterp Posted November 17, 2006 Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 Brian was right when he said I must work in the porn industry. Things got a little out of hand today. I think it's the ear-splitting Pantera that brings it out in me - really. The leased-line internet connection here at work has been slowing over the last several months, and I've ignored it but this morning it got so slow I got KILLED in my network Doom game, so now I'm pissed. I narrow the bandwidth culprit to the company's outbound email, that one server has our internet totally saturated. So I start leafing through everyone's email and it's not long before I find buried Inbox treasure. We have a receptionist here that is one of those hypocritical people you just want to quicklime, a very active self-affirming "good christian woman" that spends the major part of her day furthering her own agenda as the clearing-house of town gossip. She not only got into the bad habit of trafficking closet skeletons with many other gossip-mongers and gossip wannabes via email (tsk tsk tsk) but also made the luser mistake of constantly forwarding every single one of those multi-megabyte religious drivel crap emails to her entire contact list. None of the spiritually enlightening emails addressing the important questions like why we're here, but that mind-emptying crap 'send this to 20 other people' emails promising you A Nice Day intersperced with who's wanting to hook-up with who... This one woman had our entire network running at 100% just processing *her* email correspondence. So after reading her private thoughts for about a half-hour I delete her entire mailstore (it was 776 MEGAbytes if you can believe that). Sure enough 5 seconds later the phone rings, and it's her in a half-panic: "SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH MY COMPUTER - MY EMAIL'S GONE!" "Oh, no. Everything's fine - I deleted it," I tell her matter of factly. "WHAT?!" Sweet as pie: "Well it was full of gossip, not exactly company business. 'Acceptable Use Policy', you know how it is. But don't worry, I first made a separate backup right here. Besides you don't want it anymore, it's full of lies anyway - now we both know the man you've secretly been seeing on the side is [a manager here at work], not the out-of-towner you've apparently been telling your friends..." She says with hushed tones, "How did y... You BASTARD." Borrowing a quote, "In the flesh, on the phone, and in your email. You really shouldn't have called you know. And you shouldn't have taken the Sex And The City Rate Your Sex Life survey with your girlfriends... frrreeeeaaky!!!" The phone hangs up and I hear her walk to the bathroom. A couple minutes later the phone is ringing again; it's her. Now I'm annoyed, she should have known better than to call me back. "You... ****." I applaud, "there's some really good reading in here... I really like this veiled reference to your grope in the copy room." "PERV." "Maybe; but I'm not the one whose about to ask their backdoor man to email [one of her gossip-monger friends] about finding someone willing to help act out a lesbian stranger rape fantasy." <GASP> "Like I would do any. such. thing." she snips back. "Oh you wouldn't? Well.. you know - who can really tell these days... <clickety clickety clickety> ...I just change my account name to yours and..." The phone slams down and I hear her walking down the hallway. I dial her newly revealed man-on-the-side, "Hey [the receptionist] is on her way to your office, when she gets there please tell her she can run but she can't hide." "ummmm, OK..." Like shooting fish in a barrel. With a howitzer. Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walkerda Posted November 17, 2006 Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 That's awesome...just like shooting fish in a barrel with a howitzer. DW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoolBlueSS Posted November 17, 2006 Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 Can we say, BUSTED. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luaderdale SS Posted November 17, 2006 Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 I love it! I have had some fun in that arena, I manage an exchange server and sometimes you just gotta find the trouble maker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted November 17, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 (edited) I love it! I have had some fun in that arena, I manage an exchange server and sometimes you just gotta find the trouble maker Today's lesson is never write an email you wouldn't want your parents to read! Edited November 17, 2006 by misterp (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drako Posted November 17, 2006 Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 niiiiceeeeee!!!!! i applaud you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixsupersport Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onyx_ss Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 Nice one Mr.P Onyx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pasadena SS Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 HAHAHAHA!!! Hey I would love to read some of that stuff you should post them on here or email me you know my email . Especially the one about the rape fantasy . Oh that would be classic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stitches040 Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 We have a receptionist here that is one of those hypocritical people you just want to quicklime, a very active self-affirming "good christian woman" that spends the major part of her day furthering her own agenda as the clearing-house of town gossip. She not only got into the bad habit of trafficking closet skeletons with many other gossip-mongers and gossip wannabes via email (tsk tsk tsk0 Nice work Mr. P ... BTW ... The way you express your thoughts ... You should have been a Lawyer ... or at least a Politician!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texas_Veteran Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 Busted! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 P, you're the man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ItsJac Posted November 18, 2006 Report Share Posted November 18, 2006 Thats Awesome.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.