Fallen.One05 Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Ok... so get this.. my best friend (20 years old) has been going out with this one girl for around 2 1/2 MONTHS. (she's 21)... After the 1st month.. (within the 1st month actually) they started talking about moving in together... and they slept together. After during month 2.. they started to discuss marriage. Guess what i find out last night @ 2am? He's getting married in 6 months!!! Who else thinks that i need to rip his ass a new one and try to knock some sense into him? I mean, yeah, she's a good girl (from what i hear)... but still. If she was that great, she'd be around for a little while ya know? Hell, he's still in college... and works PART TIME @ Olive Garden. Does he really think he can support himself LET ALONE a family on that type of money? (brings home 200 a week). AND... i failed to mention... this is the 1st girlfriend he has had within the past 2 years. I'm looking for ways to approach him without sounding too much like an ass. Believe me, he needs someone to say something to him / slap him into reality...but i just don't exactly know how to put it into words... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ldogss Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 ive had freinds and family in that situation before...and 90% of the time it ended horriably...just talk to him and tell him its best towait awhile before marrige...living together for awhile before they get married will let them see what life will be like for them...no need to rush.... p.s rip him a new one ...j/k Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red03SillSS Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 I dont see him living with her and sleep with her a such a bad thing. I mean everyone does it, but marrying her after 6 months! A GOOD FRIEND WOULD RIP HIM A NEW ONE!! He does need to live with her and see what its like before and decisions like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fallen.One05 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 I dont see him living with her and sleep with her a such a bad thing. I mean everyone does it, but marrying her after 6 months! A GOOD FRIEND WOULD RIP HIM A NEW ONE!! He does need to live with her and see what its like before and decisions like that. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I don't see the problem in living together / sleeping together a problem either... that's no biggie... it's the whole marriage thing... HE'S ALREADY ON HER CELLPHONE PLAN!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red03SillSS Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 I dont see him living with her and sleep with her a such a bad thing. I mean everyone does it, but marrying her after 6 months! A GOOD FRIEND WOULD RIP HIM A NEW ONE!! He does need to live with her and see what its like before and decisions like that. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I don't see the problem in living together / sleeping together a problem either... that's no biggie... it's the whole marriage thing... HE'S ALREADY ON HER CELLPHONE PLAN!!! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Sounds like its time to sit and have a heart to heart... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Well to answer your question, I would say "truthfully" meaning I would just come right out and tell him that you are worried about him and just want him to genuinely be successful. As far as the situation, what you have shared is not enough to judge one way or the other their relationship dynamic. The only piece of advise I could stress to you (as his friend) is that you need to alarm him if his identity or sense of self changes (pussification), that is usually a sign things will go bad in my experience. Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rivierakid55 Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 I dont see him living with her and sleep with her a such a bad thing. I mean everyone does it, but marrying her after 6 months! A GOOD FRIEND WOULD RIP HIM A NEW ONE!! He does need to live with her and see what its like before and decisions like that. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I agree that two months is two fast to make a decision about marriage. i can think of a couple of acquaintenances that were in similar sitiuations and neither even made it to the alter. but i do disagree that you must live with the person before marriage. i too thought this some years ago but my wife was addament about not living together prior to marriage. (although she stayed at my place occasionally) We have now been married 4 years and as far as i can tell quite happy. biggest problem was that initial first couple months of her getting used to me giving her dutch ovens or occassionnaly forgetting to flush a deuce or something like that but otherwise you each make concessions and make it work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoolBlueSS Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 ive had freinds and family in that situation before...and 90% of the time it ended horriably...just talk to him and tell him its best towait awhile before marrige...living together for awhile before they get married will let them see what life will be like for them...no need to rush.... p.s rip him a new one ...j/k <{POST_SNAPBACK}> My wife and I lived together for a little over a year before we got married. Our families weren't crazy about it, but we think it's one of the best things we did. We got to know each others little idiosyncracies(sp) before marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 ... but i do disagree that you must live with the person before marriage. i too thought this some years ago but my wife was addament about not living together prior to marriage. (although she stayed at my place occasionally) We have now been married 4 years and as far as i can tell quite happy. OK so let me ask, at what point did the two of you first have a serious conflict - before or after marriage? And I mean serious conflict, like disagreement over money, sex life, career, personal space, etc? I would rather have these come up before marriage and know who I am with and how they are going to be in a pinch rather than discover after marriage (which was my situation with my now-ex). Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fallen.One05 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Well to answer your question, I would say "truthfully" meaning I would just come right out and tell him that you are worried about him and just want him to genuinely be successful. As far as the situation, what you have shared is not enough to judge one way or the other their relationship dynamic. The only piece of advise I could stress to you (as his friend) is that you need to alarm him if his identity or sense of self changes (pussification), that is usually a sign things will go bad in my experience. Mr. P. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Better known as being p**sy whipped... And yeah... he's definitely that... he's like a man bitch these days... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eamonnschevy Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 I would recommend doing and saying nothing but be there for him if/when it goes bad.. if you say anything now you will be the bad guy.. people sometimes have to learn the hard way and if you show your disapproval i can almost guarantee he'll do what he wants not what you think is right.. sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I'm old enough to have seen it happen many times before... IMHO i don't think guys should get married till they are at least 30, by that time they have done what they wanted to do, seen the world as a single guy, and got all (well most ) of the CRAZY stuff out of their system.. i married when i was almost 31 and have been with my wife for 19 years we dated 2 years and lived together for a year before marrying we'll be celebrating our 17th Wedding Anniversary next year. the best 17 years of my life, but i do believe if i'd have got married at 21 i'd probably be on wife number 3 or 4 by now lol... you can tell him you think he's crazy but don't try to tell him what to do... good luck eamonn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brobradh77 Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 You should try and maybe convince your friend to make it a long engagement like a year or so and maybe move in together and see how it works out who knows they maybe soul mates. Me and my ole lady met at a aprty slept together the first night (i'm such a pimp lol) and we are still together 6 years later with a 5 year old daughter. We havent tied the knot yet but we consider each other married. Too many people just jump into it likes it no big deal and thats a mistake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perk03z06 Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 I dont see him living with her and sleep with her a such a bad thing. I mean everyone does it, but marrying her after 6 months! A GOOD FRIEND WOULD RIP HIM A NEW ONE!! He does need to live with her and see what its like before and decisions like that. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> He definitely needs to live w/ her a little longer before making a marriage decision. Hell, I dated/lived with (@ her dorm)/slept with a girl for almost 18 months before she and I got our own little place 10 hours from our parents. I couldn't stand her 6 months after that, and we broke up. It was like as soon as we moved away from everyone, and moved in together, she thought she owned me ... I don't think so. My point is ... is that it took more than 2 years to see how controlling she was. Now ... a good friend would observe their situation and see what things he likes and doesn't like about her. Then, remind him of all the things he doesn't like about her ... and then ask him if he's comfortable commiting himself to that until next year ... until the year following, until HS Reunion, etc. If you make him really think about what he's getting into, he'll figure it out on his own ... hopefully Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rivierakid55 Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 ... but i do disagree that you must live with the person before marriage. i too thought this some years ago but my wife was addament about not living together prior to marriage. (although she stayed at my place occasionally) We have now been married 4 years and as far as i can tell quite happy. OK so let me ask, at what point did the two of you first have a serious conflict - before or after marriage? And I mean serious conflict, like disagreement over money, sex life, career, personal space, etc? I would rather have these come up before marriage and know who I am with and how they are going to be in a pinch rather than discover after marriage (which was my situation with my now-ex). Mr. P. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> i probably didnt give enough background to fully understand that post. my wife and i were dating for about 5 years before marriage. our first conflict was probably a few months into the relationship. we still have an occassional conflict today but we manage to work through it through discussion and reason. i find myself sounding like a counselor right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Better known as being p**sy whipped... And yeah... he's definitely that... he's like a man bitch these days... Tell him you see him changing and that you have no problem with that but he is changing WAY too fast and acting unlike himself. And reassure him you are not going to try to tell him how to live his life but you are genuinely worried about his future because he does not seem to be clearly/purposefully in charge of his own direction anymore. And tell him that yes you personally believe he is not mature enough to maintain his own identity in a relationship yet, and for him it is too soon to be planning marriage. Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.