montanass Posted January 12, 2007 Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 Rules for Entering MONTANA" > > > >1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot. > >2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road". I drive a >pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going >to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. > >3. They are horses, cattle, saw mills & oil wells. That's what they >smell like to you. They smell like jobs to us. Get over it. Don't >like it? I-90 and I-94 go East and West, I-15 goes North and South. Pick >one. > >4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have >quarter-million dollar, air conditioned tractors that we drive 3 weeks a >year. > >5. So every person, in every pickup truck, waves. It's called being >friendly, try to understand the concept. > >6. If that cell phone rings while a flock of geese is coming in, we >will shoot the phone out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up >to your ear. > >7. Yeah, we eat walleye & rainbow trout. You really want sushi & >caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. > >8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a >religious holiday, held the closest Sunday to the first of November. > >9. In Montana, it is not trendy and is considered very, very unsafe >to criticize the USA. God bless John Wayne, Elvis Presley, Audey Murphy, >Cary Grant, Charlton Heston, and Jimmy Stewart but the rest of Hollywood is >not welcome here. > >10. No, there is not a "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order >steak or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & >turkey. > >11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, >vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Alpine >Touch. > >12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, & >served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, >know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. > >13. High School Football is as important here, as the Vikings and >the Seattle Seahawks--And more fun to watch. > >14. Colleges? Try Montana State or the University of Montana. >They come out of there with an education--Plus a love for God and country. > >15. We have a higher percentage of folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, & Air >Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Montana." If you do, it >will get your ass kicked. > >16. Many of us are loggers, mill workers, ranchers & miners. For >well over a century, we have helped supply beef for your tables, metals for >cars, coal for electricity, wood for your homes & paper to wipe your sissy >asses. Don't come here and tell us to stop working so you can re-make the >whole State into your own no-hunting park. > >17. Remember, you came here because Montana is different. It will be kept >that way. We don't need or want more shopping malls, housing developments >or juice bars. > >18. Don't try to use your imported money to re-make Montana into the image >of where you just left. If you feel this need, go back home. And yes we do >hate you for buying up all of our lake-front properties. > >19. Above all, if you are a lawyer or anti-gun nut, just stay away. >We are very aware of the fact that attorneys have created a major industry, >out of lawsuits & babying criminals with guns. We are hunters and >responsible gun lovers. > >20. P.S.--Grizzlies are eagerly encouraged to eat out-of-staters. > >DON'T SMOKE IF YOU ARE GUESTS IN A HOME!!!!!!! > >AMEN.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
06redSSrwd Posted January 12, 2007 Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 i think i should move to montana ES Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
air force vm Posted January 12, 2007 Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 Man I like that. Wish that the rest of the states were like that. I would move there and not change a thing, but think that I will go to Texas and start my family there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motorider228 Posted January 12, 2007 Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 Rules living anywhere BUT Missouri, Arkansas, Alabama, Montana, Texas, Idaho, west Virginia and Georgia. 1. Don't bone your sister. haha i'm just kidding. I lived on a gravel road outside of a town of 2500 in missouri for 2.5 years so I know how some of that stuff is. I very much dislike all the cell phone lexus driving yuppies here in my lovely white affluent suburb of Vegas. It was nice going to school in missouri, i would bring my shot guns to school and we would clean them in our shop classes and load our own shells at school. One of my good hunting buddies dad was best friends with my shop teacher and it was cool going hunting with all them and drinking a few beers. here you would get fired and thrown in jail for that. People also didn't get arrested at school for a good old fist fight so it made everyone a little tougher than it does in the **** gangster infested schools out here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoolBlueSS Posted January 12, 2007 Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 I've seen one similar to that about Texas. Either way I like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
air force vm Posted January 13, 2007 Report Share Posted January 13, 2007 Rules living anywhere BUT Missouri, Arkansas, Alabama, Montana, Texas, Idaho, west Virginia and Georgia. 1. Don't bone your sister. haha i'm just kidding. I lived on a gravel road outside of a town of 2500 in missouri for 2.5 years so I know how some of that stuff is. I very much dislike all the cell phone lexus driving yuppies here in my lovely white affluent suburb of Vegas. It was nice going to school in missouri, i would bring my shot guns to school and we would clean them in our shop classes and load our own shells at school. One of my good hunting buddies dad was best friends with my shop teacher and it was cool going hunting with all them and drinking a few beers. here you would get fired and thrown in jail for that. People also didn't get arrested at school for a good old fist fight so it made everyone a little tougher than it does in the **** gangster infested schools out here. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Whats wrong with that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pasadena SS Posted January 13, 2007 Report Share Posted January 13, 2007 That's why I live in Cali. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hwood Posted January 13, 2007 Report Share Posted January 13, 2007 montanass, I totally agree. I spent some time in Missoula working at the paper mill and loved every minute. It is an awesome place. BTW, do you still have no speed limit during the day? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
montanass Posted January 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2007 montanass, I totally agree. I spent some time in Missoula working at the paper mill and loved every minute. It is an awesome place. BTW, do you still have no speed limit during the day? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> no, they changed that a few years back. That was some pretty cool stuff, but alot of people were getting hurt/killed because they were being irresponsible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyrome Posted January 13, 2007 Report Share Posted January 13, 2007 sounds like my kinda place Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixsupersport Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 6. If that cell phone rings while a flock of geese is coming in, we >will shoot the phone out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up >to your ear. > same rule apllies in minnesota, and montanass do not send them East on I-94, cuz i'll send them right back your way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daves1996 Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 Montanna, where men are men and the sheep are scared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
montanass Posted January 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 (edited) anybody seen my velcro mittens? I've gotta help some sheep through the fence. Edited January 14, 2007 by montanass (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thor__1 Posted January 14, 2007 Report Share Posted January 14, 2007 its the best state in the union! dont forget the velcro pants. and if u stick them on the edge of the cliff u dont have to do any of the work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoolBlueSS Posted January 15, 2007 Report Share Posted January 15, 2007 You guys are sick. SICK I tell ya!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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