How to give pills to Cats and Dogs....!

[tawss04]

Now I know someone had to actually have done this in oder to write it.

How to give pills to Cats and Dogs....!

CATS:

 

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

 

2. Remove pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

 

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

 

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

 

5. Remove pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

 

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

 

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

 

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for data of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw away T-shirt

and fetch new one from bedroom.

 

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the stubborn cat from tree across the road. Apologize to the neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

 

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

 

14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

 

 

DOGS:

 

1. Wrap it in bacon. . .toss it. . . . . (job done!)

[desertss]

thats why i hate cats

[dcairns]

I have been going through that exact thing. Cat would spit the pill right out! Went back to the vet to get liquid version. Wrap the cat in a blanket, force the mouth open, squirt medicine into the cat's mouth, hold mouth shut, hope the cat will eventually swallow. Relase the cats mouth, cat starts foaming and spitting out the medicine. Repeat twice a day! Just finished 14 days worth of that routine, not sure how much of it actually made it into the cat

[zanis520]

heres a better solution:

 

1) Feed cat to dog.

[montanass]

heres a better solution:

 

1) Feed cat to dog.

I dont like cats, they're a PITA

[FireRescueSS]

True. You will always ponder the idea of why you didn't declaw the rear end as well (posi traction as I call it)

 

FYI: Crush the pill, and mix it with canned cat food.

[dcairns]

True. You will always ponder the idea of why you didn't declaw the rear end as well (posi traction as I call it)

 

FYI: Crush the pill, and mix it with canned cat food.

Tried that, cat would not touch the tainted food

BTW, wouldn't that be "paws-i-traction"? ;)

[Krambo]

I have been going through that exact thing. Cat would spit the pill right out! Went back to the vet to get liquid version. Wrap the cat in a blanket, force the mouth open, squirt medicine into the cat's mouth, hold mouth shut, hope the cat will eventually swallow. Relase the cats mouth, cat starts foaming and spitting out the medicine. Repeat twice a day! Just finished 14 days worth of that routine, not sure how much of it actually made it into the cat

 

 

Dave,

 

I got my first good laugh for the day after reading this