zac2005ss Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 Well I have pretty much nobody less to vent to because I gave everything up for her, so I thought I would do it here. I need help. I have been with my g/f now for about 5 years now and we recently just broke up and she is 3 months pregant with my child. She won't talk to me or anything. All started on this past Monday over she wanted to go her friends house. Now this friend started so many problems between me and her, and this is how this break up came opon. Through all the years I have been with her we broke up over some stupid sh*t and we always use to get back together. And now knowing she is pregant and she won't talk to me over this because I didn't want her to go and I didn't want any problems between me and her and there are problems anyway. Her and I have been through so much together and its just soo hard after everything what ever happen with us.and there is only so much pain one person can put up with before they crack and I think if nothing happens between me and her I think I'm going to fall off the edge. She means everything to me and she now has my child. When I first met her it was like I loved her before I knew her. I'm ready to get my life started with her and we were engaged and supose to get married next Aug, 08, but I think she is to caught up with her friends and just blows me off. SHe knows to when she talks to this girl problems start between me and her. She is the one I have been looking for. Shes the one i waited for. Whats messed up right before I met her I had a dream about a girl the one night and one week later i seen this same exact girl and the mall that was in my dream. She had the same clothes on, same hair and everything that i seen in my dream and I went over to talk to her and that was the start to the best past few years of my life and I wouldn't change a thing about it. Well I guess the point of this is I don't know if I should try calling or just letting her cool off a bit. I lose her its like I lost my life because, I feel so empty inside and alone, and right now i feel like I don't want to put up with this pain anymore because its to tuff. I gave everything up for her and I changed so much for her from the person I once was when I met her, and I gave up all my friends over all this and none of them what anything to do with me because I di*k them over. It seriously feels like I have nothing left right now it sucks soo bad to feel like this. I think this it the worst feeling you can ever get in your life. This feeling is a feeling like some one died on you and your never going to see them again in your life. I thought I would be a stronger person than what I'am now. But I'm fallingn apart. When this happen her voice sounded like this is the end, but it can't be. Me and her are going to be a family now, and I'm just so lost right now and don't know what to think or what to do. I just dont want to do anything stupid because the way I feel right now. This is prob the tuffest thing I have ever gone through in my life and I don't know how to handle it. I try to do things to try to just get my head off her untill i hear from her but no matter what i do or where i go something reminds me of me and her. Well thanks for listen guys. I have nobody else to turn to. Please give me advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rausche Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 Wow... Bro you're lucky I don't have ADD... Seriously though, I'll give you the best advice I can (I'm only 19 so I don't have as much experience as some of the guru's on here): First I would allow her to cool off... I think you're forgetting that pregnancy can cause crazy crazy mood swings and sometimes even violence, it's like PMS on crack. Let her chill for a few days, hopefully she'll calm down. What I would do (since you're not only in a fight but broken up as well), is call her and invite her out to a public, non-threatening location, such as a local coffee shop. You just want a nice calm place to talk everything out. Buy her lunch, dinner, coffee, something that gives you some talking time. Stay cool, try not to get upset... If it's her friend that causes problems for you then calmly explain that problem to her... Secondly, I would NEVER have allowed her to remove my friends from me. IMO super-long-term personal relationships between a good crew is much more important than a relationship with a single woman. Granted that the woman has her driving factors (sex, and cooking, and an alphabetized spice rack and all that jazz), a good crew of men is always more reliable. Third, the kid. (From what I hear) that kid is going to be her vantage point. She's going to use it as an 8ft breaker bar to bend you to her will (if she's that much of a *itch). If you ever want to build a family, you're going to have to deal with that. Growing pains aren't just for toddlers and teenagers... Lastly, don't feel alone. I was dating my high-school sweetheart for 2 years, everything was purrrrfect. I loved everything about her, and we were a fantastic couple... I ended up going to a military school (that's a nice long story all by itself), and after being gone for only 16 months she had been with 20+ other guys (I was the first, I've got stained towels to prove it!). I am currently #1 of 30+, and I'd still take her back in a heartbeat... And don't even start on me with dreams... I could tell you about some dreams... Good luck, let us know how it works out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black2003SS Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 I would need a lifetime to explain to you just what you really need to do. Considering I went through a similar situation abotu 3 years ago (she wasnt pregnant though) with what I thought was the love of my life for 5 years...I know how you feel and what you want, but what you want and what you feel isnt the best for you. The best for you is to get yourself straight in your life and your head and prepare for your new child. Control the things that you can control. You can control your career, you can control your words, you can control your feelings, you can control your destiny, but you can not control any of things for her and her life. Once you realize you can not control other people and other people do horrible or wrong things for no good reaon, then my friend...you will be free. You will find someone to compliment you. Being free is the best feeling in the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RacerJJ Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 (edited) First, we need some background info. How old are you? How old is she? Those two things will help with the advice column that will develop here. My advice to you, and sorry if it is harsh to you right now, is BE A MAN!!! Let her cool down and she will come back but only if you are a man about it. If you are crying and letting her beat you, she will lose any respect she had for you whether she comes back or not. While she may seem like the only one to you, she was not worth losing your friends and family over. I say family too because I assume from your post that they are gone too. No female or person for that matter is worth that. I married my high school sweetheart who I was with for a very long time. She cheated on me and left. I cried to her voicemail everyday trying to get HER back even though she was the one the ****ed up. What a **** I was. I eventually got angry, told her where to go and divorced her ass before she had a chance to come back. I thought I would never find someone else and I thought my life was over too. It's ok to feel this way for a while but don't let it consume you. There are other women out there that are equal or better than this one. Okay here's my almost old guy (28), holy roller advice: Stop the talk about falling off the edge. If you meant suicide or something stupid like that, you are nuts. Don't disgrace the life that God has given you because of some mis-guided female. Be a man, suck it up, and if she doesn't happen to come back, pay your child support and be the best father that kid has ever seen. One more thing...Tell that friend of hers and your girlfriend who's boss! Good Luck. Edited October 31, 2007 by RacerJJ (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
06redSSrwd Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 (edited) well.. sounds like a tough one. Just calm down, remember that your not the only one in that relationship for 5 years. she was in it too so don't think you've suddenly just disappeared from her mind. she's still thinking about you. I guarantee it. A couple red flags though. Sounds to me it's a bit immature with the way she's handling the situation and also that (according to you) she allows this friend to stir up problems b/w the two of you. Now enough said about her. Let's get down to you First off you should never try to control someone, it'll only make them want to rebel. So not "allowing" her to hang out with this friend is a no no. Also if her friend knows that your against them hanging out her friend will be even more hostile causing more problems. Another thing that is a big no no. The fact that you gave up your friends and quote on quote "everything" for her is probably the biggest mistake ever. Everything is a balance in life and you should've never given up your friends for her. BIG MISTAKE... and the fact that she would allow that ( and I'm sure you gave them up because she simply said she didn't like them, I doubt it was you who just woke up one morning and said "ok, no more friends") sounds to me like this girl is pretty selfish and unstable. The entire relationship from what you've said here seems to be a completely dysfunctional one. considering the "stupid break-ups," the way she's acting, how you gave up all your friends and family for her and how it seems that she is the only person and only thing in your life. Get your sh*t together, pick up the pieces of what's left of your life and be a man. Try to help yourself here, because you're the one who is a mess. just my $0.02 may seem harsh but I won't put any icing on it for you and say nothing more than the truth...because i care ES edit: with response to what others have already said. yes..be a man. sounds like she has no respect and/or consideration for you. grow some balls and she'll respect you. no woman wants anything other than a man. toughen up. and yes, to thoroughly explain to you what it is that you have to do it would take a lifetime. that's why we learn things for ourselves because no-one can really tell us how to live or how to experience. we simply must live and experience...that's life. Be a man, everything else will disclose itself and it'll work out Edited October 31, 2007 by 06redSSrwd (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSThunder Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 I know your pain all too well. My soon to be ex and I have been together for 14 years(8 married) and we've got a 15 month old little girl. It hurts worse than anything I have ever been through but you have to be strong. As much as it hurts you it also hurts her I would hope. Give her time to cool off. Trying to force her to see you or talk to you is bad. She will just end up hating you more. Don't do anything stupid. I've been told this a million times. I've got a temper but I don't show it often and even now I've been very level headed. I know it hurts but it should get better. That's what they tell me. Stay strong and give it some time. I've got 1 best friend and he and his wife have been there for me. We're like brothers. You've got plenty of people on here who will help you through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 I have lived through this - I broke-up with my ex-fiance to be with my wife and a month later I heard through the grapevine that my ex-fiance was 4-months pregnant. That was a dozen years ago, I've learned a lot and there's some things I would do differently. You need to call me, I'll PM you my number. Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonj87 Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 sleep with her friend. show her how much of a rat her friend is.. then she will see she belongs with you. just kiddin.. just keep a cool head and dont pressure the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SS--BLOWN Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 Just my $0.02: I am 40 years old and I've been through some breakups and a divorce. I agree with the posters above that your giving up family, friends, etc., if it was done to make/keep her happy, was a mistake. But you can correct it. It sounds like, as much as you love this girl, she uses your loyalty against you so that she can get what she wants. Your best bet to try and get her back is easy to say, but much tougher to do: START MOVING ON. If she sees that she can't control you anymore, it just may bring her back to see why you've stopped pursuing her. If she does, she'll see you as a challenge. How can she get you to do what she wants? RESIST with all your might! If you can take a step back and not cave in, she'll respect you as a man. She may be more attracted to you than if you just roll over all the time. More importantly, if you can see that she's only returned to make sure she can still try to manipulate you, you may decide that's not the kind of life you deserve. Either way, you need to take care of what's best for YOU. In the process, if she sees that you are a stronger person and not one she can control in such a one-sided manner, she may decide to stick with you and you'll respect yourself a whole lot more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wody Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 DON'T BE AN IDIOT!!! there is a child involved now, you don't want to do something that will affect judgment in a custody or support case if it goes to that. for me, it would be hard to deal with this situation because of the fact she is carrying a child, and not communicating with you. if a girl does this to you she is not worth being with, stay cool, get stable, don't do anything dumb and go for custody. sounds like she might be hungry for child support, i've heard of women who get preg and leave for the child support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zac2005ss Posted October 31, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 Im only 22 soon to be 23, and she is also the same age. Some may say we are still young and I would agree with everyone on that. See I can not see myself with anyone else. I been through a lot in life and did everything think you can think of. I'm at the point in my life where I want to settle down with her and start a life with and just be a family. My friends on the other hand I have one reall good friend who stuck with me through everything what went on between me and mindy. And thats about the only one I have left and everyone on this forum who is helping me alot of everyone advice. My life has just been going down the past month or so. Last month I lost my friend and now this. He decided it was his time to go and he was only 24yrs old. He had some problems but not much but thats a whole different story.. Its very hard to deal with when you meet that certain person who just turn your life totally upset and sets you in the right path and then that person isn't there to keep you straight anymore.. There is so much more to this story. I could right 2 books about it. Its just tuff because I never went through anything this deep with a g/f before and I guess i really don't know how to go about things and know with the child on its away its harder to deal with because I'm not with her right now and I want to be there for her. We both wanted this and we both had are head in the right place but now I don't know now. Thanks for everything guys very big help and calming me down here. I'm just going to wait it out and give her space and see what happens. Hopefully everything turns out for the good. I will keep you guys posted. Thanks alot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wody Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 (edited) as long as the baby is born healthy and you are there for it, that is all that matters. relationships go away but you will be a father and that will remain. baby is priority #1 now. Edited October 31, 2007 by WODY (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSThunder Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 as long as the baby is born healthy and you are there for it, that is all that matters. relationships go away but you will be a father and that will remain. baby is priority #1 now. My baby girl is seeing a lot of me even thought the wife and I are seperated. The wife and I have been together since I was 17 and she was 16 so 14 years later it's all going to end. I know your pain real well. We basically have always been together but that can't be anymore. Stay strong. I know it hurts but in time it should get better. I'm taking it day by day and trying to move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 ... if a girl does this to you she is not worth being with, stay cool, get stable, don't do anything dumb and go for custody. ... This man is right, listen to him - this is exactly what happened in my case and in fact it got to the point where the child was used against me. If this person was thinking of anything more than herself she would be doing whatever she could for the welfare of the coming child (like you show to be). Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
06redSSrwd Posted October 31, 2007 Report Share Posted October 31, 2007 stop whining and be a man. i can't say it enough. it's tough but remember that life isn't always peaches and cream, you'll never know what lies ahead and you won't always know what to do in all situations. This is life bro, if you're not feeling the ups and downs of it then you're not living and if you're not learning from each and everyday then you're not making your time here worth it. It can't always be perfect, man up and you'll get through this. "woe is me" won't get you through this ES Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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