zeake Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 stop whining and be a man. i can't say it enough. it's tough but remember that life isn't always peaches and cream, you'll never know what lies ahead and you won't always know what to do in all situations. This is life bro, if you're not feeling the ups and downs of it then you're not living and if you're not learning from each and everyday then you're not making your time here worth it. It can't always be perfect, man up and you'll get through this. "woe is me" won't get you through this ES Mr P. gives good advice. Also dude you are strung out on a girl that is not worth it. She is like a drug and can crap on you and you don't realize it. I have been there. There are better woman out there. Once they consume you this way life is over. Give it some time and if she comes to you then talk but you have to be the better person for the childs sake. Never Lay with someone that you are not willing to spend the next 20+ years with or putting up with. A miserable marriage is no way to raise a child. The child should grow up knowing that it is better than 2 people unhappily together. Go buy an Xbox 360 and Halo 1 2 and 3 and play through all of them and you will feel better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fireman31 Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 well.. sounds like a tough one. Just calm down, remember that your not the only one in that relationship for 5 years. she was in it too so don't think you've suddenly just disappeared from her mind. she's still thinking about you. I guarantee it. A couple red flags though. Sounds to me it's a bit immature with the way she's handling the situation and also that (according to you) she allows this friend to stir up problems b/w the two of you. Now enough said about her. Let's get down to you First off you should never try to control someone, it'll only make them want to rebel. So not "allowing" her to hang out with this friend is a no no. Also if her friend knows that your against them hanging out her friend will be even more hostile causing more problems. Another thing that is a big no no. The fact that you gave up your friends and quote on quote "everything" for her is probably the biggest mistake ever. Everything is a balance in life and you should've never given up your friends for her. BIG MISTAKE... and the fact that she would allow that ( and I'm sure you gave them up because she simply said she didn't like them, I doubt it was you who just woke up one morning and said "ok, no more friends") sounds to me like this girl is pretty selfish and unstable. The entire relationship from what you've said here seems to be a completely dysfunctional one. considering the "stupid break-ups," the way she's acting, how you gave up all your friends and family for her and how it seems that she is the only person and only thing in your life. Get your sh*t together, pick up the pieces of what's left of your life and be a man. Try to help yourself here, because you're the one who is a mess. just my $0.02 may seem harsh but I won't put any icing on it for you and say nothing more than the truth...because i care ES edit: with response to what others have already said. yes..be a man. sounds like she has no respect and/or consideration for you. grow some balls and she'll respect you. no woman wants anything other than a man. toughen up. and yes, to thoroughly explain to you what it is that you have to do it would take a lifetime. that's why we learn things for ourselves because no-one can really tell us how to live or how to experience. we simply must live and experience...that's life. Be a man, everything else will disclose itself and it'll work out That sums it up pretty well. You need to show her who wears the pants, and that you are not a door mat. No woman is worth the pain and agravation she is putting you through. You need to look at the big picture, you have a baby on the way which should be priority #1. Cool down and yes i'll say it too, be a man!. Don't make any irrational decisions, try and keep a level head. Hang in there, don't forget that we all have your back here on the forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
04blacksss Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 im 20 and have been with my gf for 3 years and have the same problems fights and shit all the time.. but cannot manage to find a girl i love as much as i love my current gf. they always get over it man stick it out wash the truck a few times ull be all good.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
06redSSrwd Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 (edited) i'm not having any lady problems but i think i'm going to take the above advice anyway and go wash my truck How to: Washing 101 ES Edited November 1, 2007 by 06redSSrwd (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zac2005ss Posted November 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Well I found out last night she is seeing this other kid now. She has been talking to him behind my back for about 2 weeks now. More and more problems just keep coming with this. I made a appointment counceling to go talk to somebody, to see if it helps me out any better. Well I'm just going to take it day by day and see what happens. I'm trying to stay strong here with everything going on. I just never went through something so deep like this before and I just need to sit down and talk about everything. Through all the years I have been with her we broke up alot and always use to get back together but it sounds like she is serious this time and just the whole thing with the child it kills me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RacerJJ Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Well I found out last night she is seeing this other kid now. She has been talking to him behind my back for about 2 weeks now. More and more problems just keep coming with this. I made a appointment counceling to go talk to somebody, to see if it helps me out any better. Well I'm just going to take it day by day and see what happens. I'm trying to stay strong here with everything going on. I just never went through something so deep like this before and I just need to sit down and talk about everything. Through all the years I have been with her we broke up alot and always use to get back together but it sounds like she is serious this time and just the whole thing with the child it kills me. I know it's hard but child or no child, if she is cheating on you it's time to be strong and hit the road. Go to the counselling, it will help. Just remember, once a cheat, always a cheat. You need to run from this as fast as you can. Make sure the kid is yours too when the time comes. No need to pay for something you didn't do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
06redSSrwd Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 (edited) that's heavy. I went through some stuff similar and I posted on here about it. Basically what I was told by the members (and thanks guys) was the same I'm telling you. It's tough, it's going to be tough and there won't be any easy way out. Time will heal all but you need to stay strong. Remember...from sh*t comes flowers. There's a light at the end of this tunnel, I promise. Just take it a day at a time and remember that none of this is because you. Anything anyone does/says/thinks etc. etc. is always because of themselves so don't think you did something to deserve this, it's all her own problems that she harbors inside This is a defining moment in your life whether you acknowledge it or not. Make it known to (most importantly) yourself and then the rest that you are in fact a man. Stand tall, keep your honor and demonstrate what perseverance is. Stay strong, we're here... ES Edited November 1, 2007 by 06redSSrwd (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fireman31 Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 (edited) I know it's hard but child or no child, if she is cheating on you it's time to be strong and hit the road. Go to the counselling, it will help. Just remember, once a cheat, always a cheat. You need to run from this as fast as you can. Make sure the kid is yours too when the time comes. No need to pay for something you didn't do. Like JJ said, once a cheat always a cheat......I know, I have been down that road too. Definitely have a paternity test when the time comes. This is why it is so important to wrap up, so situations like the one your in don't happen(you know what I mean). Hang in there man, we're here for ya. Edited November 1, 2007 by Fireman31 (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 ...I made a appointment counceling to go talk to somebody, to see if it helps me out any better. ...GOOD MOVE Got a real life story to share - Michael Dell (of Dell Computer) just about ran his business into bankruptcy in 1992, at that point he made the smartest move of his life and decided that he was out of his depth (temporarily) and got help, and the few very key people he brought into his life are what made Dell what it is today. Point is, you are in a problem very few people have lived through (I am one of them) and you better get some insight from some good people fast. I say INSIGHT because you still need to get in charge of this situation (not your counselors) and there are right and wrong ways to approach this problem so you better get as much broad knowledge as you can. Also, not right now, but in a year or two figure out a couple of the key areas in yourself that prevented you or her from exiting the relationship in a constructive way. It's like competitive driving, you never think of how you ENTER the corner, but rather how you are going to EXIT the corner - think about it... I know it's hard but child or no child, if she is cheating on you it's time to be strong and hit the road. ... Agree totally; bad bad sign, very hurtful but I'm not surprised to hear she's been "shopping." I am not going to get into the how's and why's, but the reasons behind a man cheating on a woman are very different than when a woman cheats on a man - point is, when a man cheats on a woman odds are that the marriage will survive albeit under a different set of rules and context; when a woman cheats on a man IT'S OVER because she's [emotionally] already left you, she's gone there's never going to be any future committment there. Harsh reality - face the facts dude, she hasn't desired to be with you a long time now and the relationship was so dysfunctional that neither of you could call it off at the time in a respectful way; don't beat yourself up over it, it's happened to millions of people before you and will happen millions of times in the future... ...Definitely have a paternity test when the time comes. ...Be preapred, she's gonna HIT the fu*king ceiling when you serve her a paper mandating a peternity test, I mean it she'll come un-****ing-glued. Reason is that you are challenging her "good name" in public, no woman wants to be called a slut and by serving that paper that is what you are accusing her of. Your attorney will for sure demand you do this out of regular course but I'm telling you that no matter whether the child is yours or not (odds are 3/10 it ISN'T yours btw) she's gonna totally freak and become a totally unsufferable bitch, I mean totally off the hook. This is the point where the child will be used against you, so you are going to have to man-up and MAKE her give you all the visitation and custody you can get (above and beyond the law) that is if you are interested in that kind of thing, figure that you are going to pay through the nose the next 18-years anyways, better demand the best for your $$$. Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zac2005ss Posted November 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 I gave her everything you can think of. I never raised my voice once at her or a hand. I was the one always wanting to talk and not scream at each other when we had problems. I always also there for her and she was always there for me and now shes not.. She got 3 rings out of me 2 cars and all the other little stuff but most part she took my heart and just crush it . I feel so empty inside. Weather the outcome of this, she will always be with me and always in my heart, and deff don't want the baby to go through this when it comes into the world. This other kid is 28 and he has a 4yr old daughter already. And he just got out of a long time relationship with the baby mother so. I don't know what to think. I've never been this scared before. I'm trying so hard to be strong but she keeps getting the best of me. I hope counseling helps me with all this to pull through and be the strong person I use to be. And this kid see is seeing he's F*ck up. His family are a punch of drug addicted and why would she want to be around this? All there is to do is wait it out and see what the hell happens, . I want to thank all you guys for all your comments, its helping me out a lot. Apart of me wants to go after this kids and then the other part stops me because I don't want to make things worst. The worst part is he goes for lunch right down the road from me where i work and his work is only a few minutes away. But i don't want to start more problems between me and her than what there is already. If I did go after him I would be somewhat better to get all this anger out but then think more problems would come and I don't want that. I just want this to work out for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSThunder Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 sorry to hear the bad news and I feel for you. She's got somebody else so MrP is right, it's over. I know the feeling so try to be strong. You can make her feel bad if your nice and try to move on. I know it's hard but it's what you have to do. Be the better person and the guilt will hurt her pretty bad. You have to be strong no matter what happens. I know exactly what you're going through and there will be good days and bad. Try to stay busy and try not to think about her and her other man. Nothing you did warrants the pain she's putting you through. It's her fault so don't beat yourself up about it. Get out with friends whenever possible. Keep us updated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 (edited) I gave her everything you can think of... he's F*ck up. His family are a punch of drug addicted and why would she want to be around this?... Why would she want to be around this? Because you have no idea how attraction works. Look at me and the SSS, this truck has no hitch so you cannot tow with it, is expensive to keep running, goes through transmissions faster than I go through a pack of Starbursts, can barely seat three, is not exactly fast by any truthful stretch, and has parts on it that in the future are going to be painful to replace if I get in a wreck - this truck is NOT practical by any means but I love it and will never be without it. That's attraction, makes no sense I just love it. And you - just got dumped by a less than virtuous woman but still are so attracted to her it is killing you. Attraction has a logic to it, you just have not been schooled on that yet and many people never are. You CANNOT buy someone; all you will be is broke and alone. It is good to have a woman that likes nice things, but she's gotta be able to afford them on her own or else things can get very ...in-equitable. Do not confront either of them or their families. GET a GOOD paternity attorney, they are everywhere but GOOD ones that specialize in PATERNITY are extremely hard to find, like only 1 out of 5 are worth a shit. You sound decent enough but have a couple mis-assumptions about how life works, FWIW I had the same mis-assumptions and learned, you can too I'm sure. Yes this is going to be a painfully expensive mistake to pay for. Pining for your ex - I missed my ex too, desperately. I loved that woman god you have no idea how and our relationship went just as you describe, except in my case the loss was over 1/2-million dollars, not just a couple vehicles & some jewelry. What I did afterwards was realize that even though I loved her there is no way our life paths will cross again, she's on her own road and I'm on mine so whatever my feelings are for her it's a moot point, you may as well have undying love for Oprah because the chance of the two of your life paths meeting is NONE same as you and your now-ex And in time you will miss her less and less, in fact after a few years you will begin to forget the really bad stuff. Counselors - they are all expensive, no matter the credentials or lack thereof, get a PHD that is also a PAIRS instructor. Mr. P. Edited November 1, 2007 by Mr. P. (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wody Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 FRIENDS are the best counselors. after i moved to vegas my girl (2 year relationship) at the time broke up with me after about 6 months of being in vegas. with no friends here and finding out there was another guy i was destroyed, but friends to the rescue! they came out just shortly after for my 19th b-day from california. i moved on faster than i thought i could have. so this could only mean one thing...TRIP TO VEGAS!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
06redSSrwd Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 doing anything to "him" or her at this point will solve nothing and get you no where. and what's important here is YOU. you need to work on yourself and forget how the others will meet their maker. just forget about the revenge on them and help yourself. concentrate on YOU. THIS IS YOUR REBIRTH. let it be a good one, don't botch it up by starting on the wrong foot. just rise above that wretched crap. you're far better than it all. self-pity and dwelling on all the things will get you nowhere. all that is in the past and all it should do is provide you with the clear conscience in that you did everything you could to make it work so at the end of the day, you're not at fault. this is your time, let it be about you now. That's what I did when I had my similar situation and I came out gold. From it all I gained a very good reputation and earned the respect among many (even those i have never formally met respect me and my name) and she was tainted. Just be strong and trust our word. We're all basically saying the same thing and there is validity to it ES Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wody Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 doing anything to "him" or her at this point will solve nothing and get you no where. and what's important here is YOU. you need to work on yourself and forget how the others will meet their maker. just forget about the revenge on them and help yourself. concentrate on YOU. THIS IS YOUR REBIRTH. let it be a good one, don't botch it up by starting on the wrong foot. just rise above that wretched crap. you're far better than it all. self-pity and dwelling on all the things will get you nowhere. all that is in the past and all it should do is provide you with the clear conscience in that you did everything you could to make it work so at the end of the day, you're not at fault. this is your time, let it be about you now. That's what I did when I had my similar situation and I came out gold. From it all I gained a very good reputation and earned the respect among many (even those i have never formally met respect me and my name) and she was tainted. Just be strong and trust our word. We're all basically saying the same thing and there is validity to itES like i said before "DON'T BE AN IDIOT" just keep your cool and you'll come out of this the victor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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