06redSSrwd Posted November 6, 2007 Report Share Posted November 6, 2007 current status of this situation....? (just want to make sure you didn't off yourself or anything) ES Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSThunder Posted November 6, 2007 Report Share Posted November 6, 2007 We need any update. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zac2005ss Posted November 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 6, 2007 Same things. I talked to her mom last Thursday, and she said just let her go and she come back around. SHe has done this to me before but there wasn't a child envoled last time or somebody else. Her mom said she still has all our pictures up in her room, but that was last Thrusday so whats not to say there down by now, but I don't know. She hasn't said to much to her mom either because she knows she would come back and tell me. I have a closer relationship with her parents than I do mine which makes it even harder. They were a second family to me. I could talk to them more than I could mine and also I couldn't tell my parents the stuff I tell hers. I haven't talk to her mom since. So I don't know whats going on. The less I know the better I'm off I think because its less stuff I have to think about. i still can't get the picture out of my head that she is with this other Kid. I haven't talk to her in 9 days now. So i don't know. Each day keeps getting harder and harder to deal with. My temper is getting worse than what is should be. I have be going to my therapist and thats been helping me a little but its not the same. I wish stuff would just start looking up and be back to normal but I have a feeling that it will not be anytime soon at all. Well so far I have just been taking it day by day so. But its not getting any easier. I try to do things to get my head off her but she gets the best of me. I wish she was just back in my arms already. Its not the same without her. Thanks guys for checking. You don't kow what this means to me.. Will keep you posted. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fireman31 Posted November 6, 2007 Report Share Posted November 6, 2007 Hang in there man, were here for ya Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bowtie Posted November 6, 2007 Report Share Posted November 6, 2007 Stay strong man, and don't go to her parents either. I wonder if this "other guy" even knows she is pregnant with your supposed child? Either way, keep talking to us on here when u need to. We are listening... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSThunder Posted November 6, 2007 Report Share Posted November 6, 2007 Same things. I talked to her mom last Thursday, and she said just let her go and she come back around. SHe has done this to me before but there wasn't a child envoled last time or somebody else. Her mom said she still has all our pictures up in her room, but that was last Thrusday so whats not to say there down by now, but I don't know. She hasn't said to much to her mom either because she knows she would come back and tell me. I have a closer relationship with her parents than I do mine which makes it even harder. They were a second family to me. I could talk to them more than I could mine and also I couldn't tell my parents the stuff I tell hers. I haven't talk to her mom since. So I don't know whats going on. The less I know the better I'm off I think because its less stuff I have to think about. i still can't get the picture out of my head that she is with this other Kid. I haven't talk to her in 9 days now. So i don't know. Each day keeps getting harder and harder to deal with. My temper is getting worse than what is should be. I have be going to my therapist and thats been helping me a little but its not the same. I wish stuff would just start looking up and be back to normal but I have a feeling that it will not be anytime soon at all. Well so far I have just been taking it day by day so. But its not getting any easier. I try to do things to get my head off her but she gets the best of me. I wish she was just back in my arms already. Its not the same without her. Thanks guys for checking. You don't kow what this means to me.. Will keep you posted. Thanks. My soon to be ex still hasn't told her mom all about our situation. Only her sister(best friend) me and my best friend know everything. It's possible you guys will get back together but don't count on it. I know we'll never get back together because her heat belongs to someone else know even after 14 years together(8 married) and 1 sweet baby girl who is almost 16 months old. I still have to see my soon to be ex because of our baby girl. Stay strong and try to keep your cool. Things could be worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desrtrat Posted November 6, 2007 Report Share Posted November 6, 2007 I wonder if this "other guy" even knows she is pregnant with your supposed child? i would keep this in mind..are you the father? and are you sure.. not to screw with your head, but I've been there long time ago with my daughters mother. had a on again off again relationship with her. was told one time i was the father, and from others i was not. so be prepared for the worst and if you get back together again when the baby is born, talking from PERSONAL experience now..i would request/demand a DNA test be done to remove any doubts that you will have possibility for the rest of your life. last remember... once a cheat, always a cheat...that goes for both men and women good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted November 6, 2007 Report Share Posted November 6, 2007 ... It's possible you guys will get back together but don't count on it. ... Look I've hinted but I guess I'd just better say it - DON'T get back together with this woman, it will be one of your life's worst regrets, even if it is her idea or it seems mutual; I promise you that even if you do "patch it up" and give an "honest effort to work it out" I guarantee that the relationship will be disfunctional, you will not only be ****-whipped but now baby-whipped too. A real woman works to elevate her man, not enslave him through any number of means (dominance, submissiveness, money, control, emotional, passive-aggressive, etc) and anybody that tries to make a life with this person will not have a win-win situation. My last attempt at some reason - TRUE STORY - when I lived in central California years ago I drove regularly across an active railroad crossing at Keyes Road north of Turlock CA; one morning in 1991 the intersection was being approached by a train, the crossing arms were down, traffic was stopped and I was the 6th car waiting in line. At the last minute a man in an import car decided to make a run to beat the coming train and he blew by the rest of us at freeway speed, and while trying to weave between the crossing arms he was hit by the train and killed instantly, dragged for almost 1/2-mile destroying the trackbed and made a goddamned mess of everything. After the authorities had arrived the rest of us congregated and we reflected on what we saw, one woman commented her shock that the driver just blatantly ignored everything, and out of the blue I added "You know, there's just no helping some people..." The lights were on, the crossing arms were down, bells were ringing, the street and intersection were WELL marked, stopped traffic everywhere, signs posted, ample room to stop and this person made the concious decision to ignore all the very thorough and thoughtful preparations made by his fellow man. Zac - we your buddies are flashing the lights, blaring the horns, and waving our arms, and telling you what not to do because we've lived it. If you choose to ignore our life's experience I'm telling you it will be a wreck that will take you 10-15 years to recover from. Take some free advice from a man that has a few life regrets already, get your ass-whipping over with like a man, let her go, get with some good people and get your head straightened out, and get in a position of authority in regards to the child. This is a bad woman, yes I'm very qualified to say that because I've been there. I know you feel as if you want her, or need her but trust us she is pure poison. Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zac2005ss Posted November 7, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2007 Look I've hinted but I guess I'd just better say it - DON'T get back together with this woman, it will be one of your life's worst regrets, even if it is her idea or it seems mutual; I promise you that even if you do "patch it up" and give an "honest effort to work it out" I guarantee that the relationship will be disfunctional, you will not only be ****-whipped but now baby-whipped too. A real woman works to elevate her man, not enslave him through any number of means (dominance, submissiveness, money, control, emotional, passive-aggressive, etc) and anybody that tries to make a life with this person will not have a win-win situation. My last attempt at some reason - TRUE STORY - when I lived in central California years ago I drove regularly across an active railroad crossing at Keyes Road north of Turlock CA; one morning in 1991 the intersection was being approached by a train, the crossing arms were down, traffic was stopped and I was the 6th car waiting in line. At the last minute a man in an import car decided to make a run to beat the coming train and he blew by the rest of us at freeway speed, and while trying to weave between the crossing arms he was hit by the train and killed instantly, dragged for almost 1/2-mile destroying the trackbed and made a goddamned mess of everything. After the authorities had arrived the rest of us congregated and we reflected on what we saw, one woman commented her shock that the driver just blatantly ignored everything, and out of the blue I added "You know, there's just no helping some people..." The lights were on, the crossing arms were down, bells were ringing, the street and intersection were WELL marked, stopped traffic everywhere, signs posted, ample room to stop and this person made the concious decision to ignore all the very thorough and thoughtful preparations made by his fellow man. Zac - we your buddies are flashing the lights, blaring the horns, and waving our arms, and telling you what not to do because we've lived it. If you choose to ignore our life's experience I'm telling you it will be a wreck that will take you 10-15 years to recover from. Take some free advice from a man that has a few life regrets already, get your ass-whipping over with like a man, let her go, get with some good people and get your head straightened out, and get in a position of authority in regards to the child. This is a bad woman, yes I'm very qualified to say that because I've been there. I know you feel as if you want her, or need her but trust us she is pure poison. Mr. P. As much as this hurts to say. I know I must agree and move and take it day by day and try to forget about her, because like other members said she forgot about me which is prob. right. I just have to face the facts that she will never change regardless what it is, and she will never come back. This may be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. But It's something I must try and do. Its just going to take a lot of time to get over after I just devoted the past 6 years to her, and she just throws its out like its nothing, and like she never loved , or ever meant anything she ever has said to me. What would life be without problems like this?????? You wouldn't be living then. No matter what she has done to me i will never forget her or anything like that. But she will be forgotten. She will be very deep inside of me and thats where she shall stay. She is breaking me down, and I can't let this happen to me. She will always be a part of me. I'm just hoping she never calls me again. I have to try my best and not pick up and just let go. I'm still going to therapy which is helping me out alot. I'm gonna go untill I think I don't need to anymore. and I'm hoping this will help me heal in the right way and just forget about everything. I just can't get it off my mind and I wish I can. I will keep you guys posted on everything. I thank you all very the advice you guys are also helping me and I greatly appreciate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuzman Posted November 7, 2007 Report Share Posted November 7, 2007 I think P needs to open his own shop... "Mr. P's transmissions and marital advice." Stick with the therapy, the only person you get to control in this situation is yourself. The therapist will show you how. The fact that you sought out help yourself shows some serious man-balls right there. It's also amazing what opens up after you get yourself straight. When the time comes, seek out a good family law attorney. They're pricey, but totally worth it in the end. Don't walk into a courtroom empty handed. Kids are too valuable to let go without a serious, knock-down-drag-out, it's-either-my-ass-or-hers fight. And don't forget at least one of biggest bright spots out of all of this...more time to wrench on your ride! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CenWaSS Posted November 7, 2007 Report Share Posted November 7, 2007 Like you've heard over and over...you need to let her go, it will be hard but you must! Again, like everyone else, Ive also been there...looking back it was the best thing to let my ex go though she was trying to come back (trust me I wanted her back). Pretty stupid of me, I dumped her and she was the one cheating and I still wanted her back? Think of it this way, by me letting her go I met my next girlfriend...who is now my wife. I thought I would never love someone as much as my ex but I WAS SO WRONG. Let her go, enjoy life on your own (it will do you some good) and find yourself. I guarantee there is someone better waiting for you. Hang in there, it will get better. And when she tries to come back, cuz she will, dont fall for it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zac2005ss Posted November 7, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2007 Like you've heard over and over...you need to let her go, it will be hard but you must! Again, like everyone else, Ive also been there...looking back it was the best thing to let my ex go though she was trying to come back (trust me I wanted her back). Pretty stupid of me, I dumped her and she was the one cheating and I still wanted her back? Think of it this way, by me letting her go I met my next girlfriend...who is now my wife. I thought I would never love someone as much as my ex but I WAS SO WRONG. Let her go, enjoy life on your own (it will do you some good) and find yourself. I guarantee there is someone better waiting for you. Hang in there, it will get better. And when she tries to come back, cuz she will, dont fall for it! I agree. I may not see this now but I will in the furture and I hope this turns out good in the end and not going through this anymore. I know I fall for this to many times already and I thought I would of learned by now but I haven't every time something like this as happen I always told myself this is it. This is the end I can't go back. But I know now I have to be the stronger person and walk away from this, and not let her bring me down like this anymore. If she calls she calls.. I may not be there for her to awsner the phone and hopefully by that time it will be to late and I'm some what moved on and just say F*ck It. then she will hopefully realize she is nothing but a scumbag for everything she has done. But Not matter what I Shall be there for the baby if it is mine!!! I will not leave the baby. I do not want her or him not having a father to be there for them, and not be able to take them places and just watch them grow up. it would crush me if I wasn't there. I love kids and I couldn't wait for this but I wish it wasn't in this type of situation. I wish it wasn't like this at all......................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSThunder Posted November 7, 2007 Report Share Posted November 7, 2007 I agree. I may not see this now but I will in the furture and I hope this turns out good in the end and not going through this anymore. I know I fall for this to many times already and I thought I would of learned by now but I haven't every time something like this as happen I always told myself this is it. This is the end I can't go back. But I know now I have to be the stronger person and walk away from this, and not let her bring me down like this anymore. If she calls she calls.. I may not be there for her to awsner the phone and hopefully by that time it will be to late and I'm some what moved on and just say F*ck It. then she will hopefully realize she is nothing but a scumbag for everything she has done. But Not matter what I Shall be there for the baby if it is mine!!! I will not leave the baby. I do not want her or him not having a father to be there for them, and not be able to take them places and just watch them grow up. it would crush me if I wasn't there. I love kids and I couldn't wait for this but I wish it wasn't in this type of situation. I wish it wasn't like this at all......................... no doubt moving on is the hardest thing to do. It's killing me because we've been together for 14 years and I'm only 31, but I have to do it. If it wasn't for my baby girl Abby then it would be easier. You can't trust someone who will throw away you and your kid for another person. She will never be the person you fell for in the first place after all this mess. Be there for your kid and be the same person she knows you to be. Being nice is a hard thing to do when a person treats you that way but it's better for you in the end. Drama doesn't do anything but make things worst. Be the better person and move on. She make regret the mistake she's made but she has to live with it and you have to move on. There are plenty of women out there so take some time and jump back in the game. Stay strong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted November 7, 2007 Report Share Posted November 7, 2007 (edited) I agree. I may not see this now but I will in the furture and I hope this turns out good in the end and not going through this anymore. I know I fall for this to many times already and I thought I would of learned by now but I haven't every time something like this as happen I always told myself this is it. This is the end I can't go back. But I know now I have to be the stronger person and walk away from this, and not let her bring me down like this anymore. If she calls she calls.. I may not be there for her to awsner the phone and hopefully by that time it will be to late and I'm some what moved on and just say F*ck It. then she will hopefully realize she is nothing but a scumbag for everything she has done. But Not matter what I Shall be there for the baby if it is mine!!! I will not leave the baby. I do not want her or him not having a father to be there for them, and not be able to take them places and just watch them grow up. it would crush me if I wasn't there. I love kids and I couldn't wait for this but I wish it wasn't in this type of situation. I wish it wasn't like this at all......................... Kuddos to you for recognizing that you are in a cyclical problem - it's just going round and round non-stop over these years with you two, you are both stuck in a bad relationship dynamic and you keep traveling over the same gound over and over again. BUT you do recognize that's good, however you are still stuck in repeating the same soap opera over and over again - this has got to stop. You think you are hurting now let me assure you this pain is nothing compared to what is coming if this continues, you will go from confused/angry/hurt to a shift in your personality and real problems with paranoia. No matter what your feelings/thoughts are you've got to get out of this twister, it's changing your person/being for the worse, your personality is shifting and 'you' are not the same 'you' anymore, you're being 'changed'; if it goes on much longer you will start to suffer real shell shock, like always looking over your shoulder and being defensive and pessimistic and argumentative and looking for the other shoe to fall and behaving just like her etc and do you want your baby knowing a father like that? What kind of spouse/friend do you think you could be to any woman in that condition? EJECT GOOSE - EJECT... It is obvious that you have a great capacity/need for bonding and this is good, this is how you are supposed to be. The issue here is that a woman has hijacked that good and decent quality in you and it is being abused, kinda like emotional jujitsu it's being levered against you. It's dysfunctional. It's killing you. You gotta be in a relationship that allows you to be that kind of caring/bonding/loving guy that you are, don't just react to this and become all hard. Find someone you can have a win-win relationship with. Maybe this will help: what I told myself in my exact similar situation was this: It doesn't matter at all what I feel for her; the fact I would give my eyes for her does not change the reality that a future together just is not possible. I can have all the love for her in the world but I see that it would be far more likely that the sun burn out tomorrow than the two of us ever make an arrangement that works. What I want or feel or desire or think is completely irrelevant to the fact that this bitch is irreparably broken. It's nice that you have all these feelings for her; it gives people like me a warm fuzzy feeling about humanity and how much hope we are capable of. But all the hope in the world has got nothing to do with the fact that this unfeeling pit viper you are involved with is a broken/non-functional human being that nobody will ever be able to have a vibrant, fulfilling relationship with, let alone yourself. Dude what you want or feel just doesn't f'n matter, simple as that. Which leads to YOUR sin/personality flaw, being you never recognized the REAL her for who she REALLY is faults and all; it would be a whole different story if you were telling yourself (and us) "yeah I recognized early-on that she's ****ed-up as a football bat but I conciously decided to love her knowing all that baggage up front" but you didn't, you ignored reality and by definition that is an act of craziness (insanity) on your part. You've got to recognize people for who they truly are inside, not just your idealized/rose-colored view of who you want them to be, in that one facet you are not well grounded in reality. Fix that with a qualified therapist and trust me life will really turn a corner. Normally I don't tell people outright what to do but in this case there you go that's my free advice. Again print this out and stick to your monitor and reveiw daily - no matter what my feelings/thoughts/wants/dreams are, the REALITY is that there's no way it will ever be possible that we can share a life together. That way sure you can still retain whatever thoughts for her but still be sane and have a solid grip on the reality that there is no future with this woman. And that will start a road to recovery. Which leads to another thing I say a lot - you are who you surround yourself with, start today by surrounding yourself with people you want to be more like. Mr. P. Edited November 7, 2007 by Mr. P. (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zac2005ss Posted November 7, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2007 Kuddos to you for recognizing that you are in a cyclical problem - it's just going round and round non-stop over these years with you two, you are both stuck in a bad relationship dynamic and you keep traveling over the same gound over and over again. BUT you do recognize that's good, however you are still stuck in repeating the same soap opera over and over again - this has got to stop. You think you are hurting now let me assure you this pain is nothing compared to what is coming if this continues, you will go from confused/angry/hurt to a shift in your personality and real problems with paranoia. No matter what your feelings/thoughts are you've got to get out of this twister, it's changing your person/being for the worse, your personality is shifting and 'you' are not the same 'you' anymore, you're being 'changed'; if it goes on much longer you will start to suffer real shell shock, like always looking over your shoulder and being defensive and pessimistic and argumentative and looking for the other shoe to fall and behaving just like her etc and do you want your baby knowing a father like that? What kind of spouse/friend do you think you could be to any woman in that condition? EJECT GOOSE - EJECT... It is obvious that you have a great capacity/need for bonding and this is good, this is how you are supposed to be. The issue here is that a woman has hijacked that good and decent quality in you and it is being abused, kinda like emotional jujitsu it's being levered against you. It's dysfunctional. It's killing you. You gotta be in a relationship that allows you to be that kind of caring/bonding/loving guy that you are, don't just react to this and become all hard. Find someone you can have a win-win relationship with. Maybe this will help: what I told myself in my exact similar situation was this: It doesn't matter at all what I feel for her; the fact I would give my eyes for her does not change the reality that a future together just is not possible. I can have all the love for her in the world but I see that it would be far more likely that the sun burn out tomorrow than the two of us ever make an arrangement that works. What I want or feel or desire or think is completely irrelevant to the fact that this bitch is irreparably broken. It's nice that you have all these feelings for her; it gives people like me a warm fuzzy feeling about humanity and how much hope we are capable of. But all the hope in the world has got nothing to do with the fact that this unfeeling pit viper you are involved with is a broken/non-functional human being that nobody will ever be able to have a vibrant, fulfilling relationship with, let alone yourself. Dude what you want or feel just doesn't f'n matter, simple as that. Which leads to YOUR sin/personality flaw, being you never recognized the REAL her for who she REALLY is faults and all; it would be a whole different story if you were telling yourself (and us) "yeah I recognized early-on that she's ****ed-up as a football bat but I conciously decided to love her knowing all that baggage up front" but you didn't, you ignored reality and by definition that is an act of craziness (insanity) on your part. You've got to recognize people for who they truly are inside, not just your idealized/rose-colored view of who you want them to be, in that one facet you are not well grounded in reality. Fix that with a qualified therapist and trust me life will really turn a corner. Normally I don't tell people outright what to do but in this case there you go that's my free advice. Again print this out and stick to your monitor and reveiw daily - no matter what my feelings/thoughts/wants/dreams are, the REALITY is that there's no way it will ever be possible that we can share a life together. That way sure you can still retain whatever thoughts for her but still be sane and have a solid grip on the reality that there is no future with this woman. And that will start a road to recovery. Which leads to another thing I say a lot - you are who you surround yourself with, start today by surrounding yourself with people you want to be more like. Mr. P. I wish you were in Pa. You have a lot of knowledge and your words are helping me daay by day with all this. i would see you instead of my therapist., The one I have been seeing as been going pretty good. All what is left is just take it day by day and try to be strong and to get through this with my heart, and not let her get the best of me. Everything is just all F*ck up for me right now and I'm trying my best to get through this. I think thats all I can do and just start I new life with her not in it and just keeping tryin to get over all this, but we will see in 6 months from now. Thats when the test will be done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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