Need Advice

[misterp]

I wish you were in Pa. You have a lot of knowledge and your words are helping me daay by day with all this. ...

you're welcome; glad to help, actually I have a motive for helping with this. I know all the in's and out's because I have lived this same situation and now have largely mastered it, unfortunately the experience cost me everything and I mean everything. It was a very expensive lesson and keep in mind that I've got many years of myself invested in my own problem so I've already done a ton of thinking about the issues you are just starting to attack here. Today at this point there is nothing you have thought or done which I haven't myself already thought or done in the past. Trust me 7-10 years ago I was a *total* mess, unlike yourself I continued to try and work through these problems on my own for years without assistance of any kind and in the end my life was a total write-off: no friends, no parents, no family or spouse, no money, destroyed credit, no future, no sanity, and holding all the bills I got stuck paying for everything. The only thing that survived was I still have my Firebird and some momentos, that's it. I finally figured it out and have come back from the ashes and today my life is actually starting to take off again but if there is any way my own experiences can be insightful to someone else by all means I'm happy to share. Oh and actually I expect to be in the northeast at least several times a year so I'm sure we'll have a chance to shake hands some day.

 

... All what is left is just take it day by day and try to be strong and to get through this with my heart, and not let her get the best of me...

"and not let her get the best of me" Quit competing with this person; live your own life, let her live her own life. If it makes you feel better think of it this way - people like her will NEVER win, this is as good in life as she will ever have it, this is all she's gonna be; you OTOH with some correct self-guidance will achieve far more for yourself. Life is a LONG race, think "down the road".

 

... Everything is just all F*ck up for me right now and I'm trying my best to get through this. I think thats all I can do and just start I new life with her not in it and just keeping tryin to get over all this, but we will see in 6 months from now. Thats when the test will be done! ...

Well this is a little better attitude. Yes you are right you need to restart your life, because your life stopped a long time ago. What I was told to do and it made all the difference - you MUST dedicate 1 hour to physically caring for yourself every morning, and you MUST dedicate to 8-hrs sleep, and you must start tomorrow. Get your ass into that bed on-time, do not let anything interfere with your sleep and I mean nothing do whatever you must to get 8-hours sleep; then get your ass out of that rack 1-hour earlier and walk or run or lift weights for 45-minutes, not 40 and not 50 but exactly 45-minutes, then eat/shower/work. There is a specific point to this regimine, that your life is about YOU not her or anyone else's problems. I am instructing you to take care of your most primitive/basic needs, these are no-cost/low-cost behaviors and you will not recover at all (in the larger sense) until you begin doing this - start tomorrow. Yes the details are important, you must get into bed on time, and you MUST care for yourself first thing upon waking (not after work etc); this is not about physically getting into shape (albeit that will happen) it is about getting your head/priorities straight, you take care of YOU FIRST in life always, and it doesn't take much, don't worry there will be plenty left to take care of others too. If you've got a dog take it with you on your walk/run. As a very important side-effect your hormone and brain chemistry levels will get realigned back to normal and you will not have depression or other mood issues, and that is a necesary thing because during this next year having a "clear head" will make everything else in life go well and go your way. Oh, also no more than ONE caffeinated drink per day. I hate to sound like the Dog Whisperer but every day get out and walk/run/exercise in the morning and get 8-hrs sleep without fail and your life will immediately turn around in 3-6 weeks. Start TONIGHT by getting to bed on time, when you lay down block everyone and everything out of your head until your morning excercise is done.

 

You have little hope of tackling the bigger issues until you tackle this one - take care of yourself.

 

Mr. P.

Edited November 7, 2007 by Mr. P. (see edit history)

[SSThunder]

good advice MrP. I just got a gym membership lol so maybe I'm on the road to recovery.

[06redSSrwd]

Zac - we your buddies are flashing the lights, blaring the horns, and waving our arms, and telling you what not to do because we've lived it. If you choose to ignore our life's experience I'm telling you it will be a wreck that will take you 10-15 years to recover from. Take some free advice from a man that has a few life regrets already, get your ass-whipping over with like a man, let her go, get with some good people and get your head straightened out, and get in a position of authority in regards to the child.

 

Mr. P i don't think you could've used a better analogy. I once ignored all the waving arms, blaring horns and flashing lights and I was hit by a train (a woman not too long ago got the best of me aside from all the warnings from friends and family). To Mr. P your advice is gold, to you Zac I say this...don't ignore this, for your own good. Don't keep dwelling on the years lost because "you cannot go back and make a new start, but can start now and make a new ending." This is a defining moment in your life, embrace it and focus. The time is now, make it worth it.

ES