ShortBus Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 Actual application for a 75 year old man to Walmart in California. *NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard) *SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) *DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place *DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. *EDUCATION: Yes. *LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. *PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. *MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. *REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. *HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. *PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. *DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment . *MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? *DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? *DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?' *HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. *DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! *WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FI VE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. *NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles *DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. They hired him because he was funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG06SILVERADO Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 thats good stuff man!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12'SROCK Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 lol. . ."Hi, Welcome to WalMart. . . ." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WODY'S GIRL Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 haha thats great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
70chevy03ss Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 Thats awsome hahahahaha :crackup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
70chevy03ss Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 Thats awsome hahahahaha :crackup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berry Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 Another door greeter is born! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FireRescueSS Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 Yet, they didn't hire me when I applied years ago... that's messed up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike1booth Posted October 3, 2008 Report Share Posted October 3, 2008 niiice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SS Silv Posted October 4, 2008 Report Share Posted October 4, 2008 Funny stuff. But probably not an actual application. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fireman31 Posted October 4, 2008 Report Share Posted October 4, 2008 Hahahhaha thats great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedline Posted October 4, 2008 Report Share Posted October 4, 2008 Hi. Welcome to Wal-Mart. Get your shit and get the **** out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slammedbowtie Posted October 4, 2008 Report Share Posted October 4, 2008 Yet, they didn't hire me when I applied years ago... that's messed up. HAHA now thats funny, i dont care who you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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