A Different Way To Look At Things:

[Bad Bowtie]

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.

Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

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A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

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'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

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Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

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A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-word the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'

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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.

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The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap Of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...

 

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

 

[Nscott]

[funceca88]

man i needed a good laugh, thank you Edited October 6, 2010 by Vidalss (see edit history)

[smokey1369]

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

 

Dear Grand-daughter,

 

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

 

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..

 

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

 

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

 

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

 

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

 

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

 

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

 

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

 

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

 

Everyone started honking!

 

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

 

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

 

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

 

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

 

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

 

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

 

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

 

My grandson burst out laughing.

 

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

 

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

 

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

 

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

 

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

 

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

 

Will write again soon,

 

Love, Grandma

 

 

[anaya83]