SilverBulletSS Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) Hey guys, Just wanted to give you all a little backdrop as to how i became a proud owner of a SSS. At the end I hope to get to know you all better and be a regular on the forum.. I used to travel the states remodeling walmart stores for a good 2 years, when i was away Jan 2010 in New Jersey I got a call saying my father was sick, no big deal right people get sick. I returned home Feb 1st. for a two week stay and spent time with my dad almost everyday. I was then sent to Omaha Feb. 12th for a 12 week project, about 3 weeks into my stay I received a call from my kid sister stating my pops was in the hospital but wouldn't clarify as to why. All i was told is he's doing fine he'll be home in a few. So I start to wonder why hasn't anyone told me?? About 6 weeks in I start getting strange feelings that everything is not ok, my father calls me on a daily basis and converses with me for hours on end, telling me he misses me and wants me home, mind you I was 28 and never had heart to hearts with my dad like that. I got the feeling these were the actions of a man who knew his time was short. I asked to be taken off the project and leave to which my employer told me, leave and you don't have a job. Needless to say i quit, packed up, jumped into my Impala SS and flew home to Des Plaines from Omaha in under 6 hours. Not safe but i was thinking clearly. I get home to the shock of my parents, and they tell me everything is fine your dad just had fluid buildup around his right lung. So I decide ok he's alright no big deal, find a project with the same company that threatened to fire me here in Chicago and get to works. Fast forwards a month later and my dad's in the hospital again, it is now end of May. A bunch of tests and 2 weeks later they confirm my father has Stage 4 Small Cellular Cancer, on his lung and has traveled to his kidney, the date April 4th, six days before my birthday!! At this point i decide $12 an hour will not pay a mortgage, my rent, my bills and my fathers bills, need something better, find an add for a roofing and siding company looking for Claim Specialists, commissioned pay $65 to $100k yearly, think to myself too good to be true, let's ask dad. Dad says jump on it your a damn good salesman. I start looking for a truck as i am an Independent Contractor and need my own vehicle. I find Bullet, buy Bullet and get to work, make almost $4k my first month, somethings not right, can't be this easy, first thought God is on my side, my father isn't going to get better. First chemo treatment helps, slows down the cancer, mri after first treatment shows improvement everyone's happy, dad is thrilled, stat the second round. My father finishes the second round tougher than ever, like a new man, mri shows it's only his will that's strong, cancer has spread to the base of his spine, which was causing his back pains, and it's headed straight for his brain. Doc tells my dad you have 2 choices, 1 more treatment or no more treatments. My father asks about the treatment and the doc informs him that its a single session 8 hours long, but he may have a heart attack during the chemo because of its potency, so dad asks about the second option and she tells him to live out the rest of your natural life. this was Sept. Dad decides to hell with it, im doing this naturally, my sister in law was 5 months pregnant and his thought was why die on a table now when i can fight for another 4 months and see my grandchild. I meet my soon to be fiance in Sept and my dad wastes no time in trying to get to know her, he's week, can barely walk, but musters the strength to get out of bed, and walk down a flight of stairs to sit with her in the living room 4 nights a week. About 2 weeks later he has no strength to go up and down stairs, so I sit at his bedside every night of the week after working 12 hours, he tells me in mid Oct that the gf is a keeper and he approves, which causes me to cry knowing he knows he wont be around. Late Oct and the cancer has hit the brain, my father is at his lowest weight 125lbs, the man who stood at 5'7 180 with a great build is withering before us, he's on hospice, can't get out of bed, muscle deterioration is at 75%, delusion has set in, he doesnt know which one of his son's is which, he calls my sisters bf which he loves to death The Jerk only to make us laugh, he starts speaking to dead family, mainly his younger brother who died 27 years ago of cancer. I'm falling apart with him, being the eldest of 3 i'm becoming the man of the house as my dad dies before me. He hasn't eaten in a month and a half, his stomach lined with cancer, he hasn't drank in two weeks, he's been loaded with morphine, hasn't spoken in a week, just mumbled the day is Nov 1st. We do all we can to comfort my mother, come Nov 10th i get a frantic call from my mom, hurry come quick your dad isnt doing so well, the time 9:30am. I jump in the SSS and have to get there fast, no problem , parents house is about 25 minutes away at 45mph, I'm doing 90 with the hazards on. I get to the house and my dad is barely breathing, the hospice nurse informs us that dad has about 12 hours left give or take, time 10am, i call the gf she leaves her job in downtown and rushes over. The caretaker arrives to clean pops up, she leaves and we are outside trying to get some air, my siblings and i when our mom screams get in here. We rush upstairs and my dad is fighting for air, i sit on one side of the bed my younger brother and sister on the other and we're holding dad's hands, my mother sitting near his chest my gf and sis in law at the foot of the bed. My fathers hands at feet start to turn blue, loss of oxygen, his eyes start to glaze over, he squeezes my hand, my mom tells him to go and that she'll be ok, she leans in and whispers I Love You, as she pulls away he takes one last deep breath and go silently to Heaven, the time 12:15pm, 2 hours. I was lost I didn't know what to do, I come and sit here on the forum and just read stuff, scour the how to, read jokes of the day, read you guys crackin on each other but never had the will to put in my 2 cents. I know this was long and dramatic, i should probably write a book, but i wanted you guys all to know that it was in the worst of situations that I was blessed with a great truck, for a great job, that led to a great community of people like you. I will try to be as active and helpful as fully possible, as i have forgiven myself for not being able to do more to help my dad, and can finally think clearly. I hope to one day meet as many of you as i can, I'm sure there are more guys on here from the chicagoland area, maybe we can put together a meet when it gets warmer. Thanks for reading my super long and probably not needed story. James Edited March 7, 2011 by SilverBulletSS (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerry7784 Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 sorry for your loss, I couldn't imagine losing my parents! hope you feel better bro! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverBulletSS Posted March 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Thanks man, it gets better everyday. I can see the truck was almost an omen. Needed the truck to have the money to support my family. I'm glad you took the time to read and respond. I know it was long, i can see 18 other people couldnt make it thru it lol.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackerado Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Sorry for your loss. I suppose this is a shining example of, "Everything happens for a reason". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cramer Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 I was one of the 18 who read it already. I couldn't reply on my phone. I am really sorry to hear about your loss. What makes you weak in the begining only makes you stronger in the end. That is how I have lived my life, and it's how I got to where I am now too. The good thing is that your pops is lookin down at you with a smile on his face knowing that you and your family will be ok, and that you have made him proud. Welcome to the SSS family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JroCk817 Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Sorry for your loss! That is a hell of a thing to go through. Just like sinr98 said... in the end things like this make you stronger. Good luck with the new path! And SSS!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eeekroar Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Sorry for your loss brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Welcome to the forum. I am sorry for the pain that you have dealt with in this last year; I can relate - I lost my first love in a similar way, in the end her body was completely wracked with cancer and organ failure etc, I knew that she was dying for a long time beforehand and I was emotionally 'settled' with that, but I was hit hard by the 'wasting away' watching her emaciate right before my eyes, it really hurts to sit on the sidelines completely helpless to the situation. It was a very depressing feeling. And it was a very 'defining' experience. I think your post is about defining moments; you have had a flood of personal defining moments in your life recently. Like you I have found that buying my SSS has become a very defining moment in my life. Buying my truck was life changing; the greatest and most rewarding friendships I have made in my life are because of that truck and this forum. I don't think I've ever been happier. It was your dad's time, I can sense that you know that. But it's also your time, to live. I am glad to see someone else making the most of every day they have. I do hope you will drive out and join us at the GTG in KC on Memorial Day weekend. Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T-Bag Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) I see your dad was on Hospice. I work for Sanctuary Hospice in L.A. I'm a Vol. Coord. I deal with death on a daily basis so let me tell you that you did all you could and should not have any regrets. How are you grieving so far? What are you feeling? Here are the stages you might experience: 1.Shock 2. Emotional Upheaval 3. Depression 4. Physical Symptoms 5. Anxiety 6. Hostility 7. Guilt 8. Fear 9. Memory Healing 10. Acceptance I'm only lisitng these in hopes of you understanding what you might be feeling or felt, not a judgemental statement what so ever. You may feel these in all different orders. Your hospice should have a post death bereavement program I encourage you to take advantage of if you are feeling overwhelmed. Hospice people have special, compassionate hearts and are willing to always help you. Death is a part of life, it's natural, I hope you and your family celebrate your fathers life and memories. Time is the ultimate healer, you will be able to build new memories as a father one day if you aren't already and rest assured all you did for him will surely come back to you. May peace and acceptance find you and your family. -Aaron sanctuaryhospiceca.com Edited March 7, 2011 by Bad aSS Silvy (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mando28 Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 sorry to hear about your loss. you will see that this is a great group of people and we are always here for each other i have only been a member for about 7 months and i have nothing but nice things to say about the ppl on here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverBulletSS Posted March 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 I cant thank you all enough for taking the time out to hear my story. It was tough and Mr. P you nailed it head on, I thought I was more than ready to let him go, until I actually watched him pass away. As for where I stand as Bad aSS Silvy mentioned,I went thru every stage bro, I finally hit acceptance about a month ago, when I reached my angriest point I was really bad. Just mad at the world, mad at everything, primarily myself, and it was my gf her would sit and let me pour out my rage and anger and assure me I had done all I could and that my father was very proud of the man I had stepped up and become after his passing. I'll tell you guys. losing a parent at a young age is a very changing and defining moment, I can see myself I'm not who I was 4 months ago. My family and I deeply appreciate everyone's support... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smoothdime Posted March 8, 2011 Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 glad to hear your doing better. you'll never forget your dad, you'll just learn how to deal with him being gone. keep your head up and enjoy one of the best trucks on the road gary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
O2 WS6 TA Posted March 8, 2011 Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 Thanks man, it gets better everyday. It does get easier, but it never goes away. I feel your pain, lost mine in '02, and it's never been the same. '96 Imp in sig was dad's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevinthegreat Posted March 8, 2011 Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 I'm truly sorry for your loss. God bless you and you family. Oh.... And welcome to the forum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepingcrna Posted March 8, 2011 Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 Sorry for your loss and welcome to the site. I'm sure most of us have been down a similar path in one way or another. With that said, you've always got someone to listen/understand when you come to this site. Damn good group of people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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