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Personal ad decoder


WI_Dave

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DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

 

40-ish - 49

Adventurous - Slept with everyone

Athletic - No tits

Average looking - Ugly

Beautiful - Pathological liar

Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills

Emotionally secure - On medication

Feminist - Fat

Free spirit - Junkie

Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person

Fun - Annoying

New Age - Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded - Desperate

Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate - Sloppy drunk

Professional - B!#ch

Voluptuous - Very Fat

Large frame - Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate - Stalker

 

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

 

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

 

MEN'S ENGLISH

 

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

 

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside

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Here's a question for all you ponderers,

 

What is it about a sleeping man that just drives a woman out of her mind?

 

I swear, everytime I lay down for 5 minutes, the wife is all over me. Never mind I just worked all night, took the kids to school, ran around and paid bills and ate breakfast!

 

One of those things we 'just don't understand'!

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Here's a question for all you ponderers,

 

What is it about a sleeping man that just drives a woman out of her mind?

 

I swear, everytime I lay down for 5 minutes, the wife is all over me. Never mind I just worked all night, took the kids to school, ran around and paid bills and ate breakfast!

 

One of those things we 'just don't understand'!

 

In her mind ... If she can't nap/sleep, you're not gonna nap/sleep ...

 

Man, I'd be layin' down the law if I were you ... :smash:

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:crackup: Apparently you aren't married, HUH?

 

The only law that would get laid down would be 'johnny law'.

Child support and alimony don't come cheap. :cry:

Not to mention I don't like sleeping on the couch! :banghead:

 

Come on all you married guy's, tell him how the law gets laid down when momma's pissed! :devil:

 

[

 

 

 

quote=perk03z06,Dec 19 2006, 04:57 PM]

Here's a question for all you ponderers,

 

What is it about a sleeping man that just drives a woman out of her mind?

 

I swear, everytime I lay down for 5 minutes, the wife is all over me. Never mind I just worked all night, took the kids to school, ran around and paid bills and ate breakfast!

 

One of those things we 'just don't understand'!

 

In her mind ... If she can't nap/sleep, you're not gonna nap/sleep ...

 

Man, I'd be layin' down the law if I were you ... :smash:

:sigh::sigh::sigh::sigh::sigh::sigh::sigh::crackup::crackup:

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