WI_Dave Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 LITTLE VITO on MATH..... > > A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence, > and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" > She calls on Little Vito. > He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the first gunshot." > The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your > train of thought." > Then, Little Vito says, "I have a question for YOU, Miss Jones. > There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: > One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. > The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. > The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. > Which one is married?" > Miss Jones, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose > the one that gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." > To which Little Vito replied, "The correct answer is..... > 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your train of thought." > > LITTLE VITO on MORE MATH..... > > Little Vito returns from school, and he says he got an "F" > in arithmetic. > "Why?" asks Little Vito's father? > "The teacher asked me: 'How much is 2x3'? and I said 6," > replies Little Vito. > "But that's right!" says Little Vito's Dad. > "Yeah, but then Miss Jones asked me: 'How much is 3x2?'" > "What's the ******* difference?" asks Little Vito's father. > "That's what I said!" > > LITTLE VITO on ENGLISH > > Little Vito goes to school, and the teacher says, > "Today, we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. > Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" > Little Vito says, "Mas-tur-bate." > Miss Jones smiles and says, "Wow, Little Vito, that's a mouthful." > Little Vito says, "No, Miss Jones. You're thinking of a blow-job." > > LITTLE VITO on GRAMMAR > > Little Vito was sitting in class one day. > Suddenly, he needed to go to the bathroom. > He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!" > The teacher replied, "Now, Vito, that is NOT the > proper word to use in this situation. > The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' > Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, > and I will allow you to go to the bathroom." > Little Vito, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, > but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!" > > LITTLE VITO on MORE GRAMMAR > > One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher > asked for a show of hands from those who could correctly > use the word 'beautiful' twice in the same sentence. > First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, > "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, > and she looked beautiful in it." > "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. > She then called on little Michael. > "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, > and it turned out beautiful." > She said, "That's excellent, Michael!" > Then Miss Jones reluctantly called on Little Vito. > He said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told > my father that she was pregnant, and he said, > "Beautiful, just ******* beautiful!" > > LITTLE VITO on GETTING OLDER > > Little Vito was sitting on a park bench, munching > on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, > a man on the bench across from him said to him, > "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. > It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." > Little Vito replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." > The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" > Little Vito answered, "No. He minded his own ******* business." Little Vito = Dirrty Johnny jokes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mungman Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 (edited) Those are friggin awesome. first one's my favorite. Edited October 3, 2007 by Mung Man (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad Bowtie Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 HAHAHA!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSThunder Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 HAHAHA!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hankg42 Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 Those are great. Made me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fireman31 Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 :rollin: Those are awesome, I have heard the first one before Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oo p0op oO Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 loved them all!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyrome Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 funny stuff all of them were funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zanis520 Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 haha nice. ive heard a couple of them before, i know a lot more lil johnny jokes too. my favorite is the blowjob one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2006_superado Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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