BlackSS04 Posted July 7, 2008 Report Share Posted July 7, 2008 Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?' Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. Lesson 4 An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Lesson 5 A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next d ay, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.. Lesson 6 A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut! THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE And send this to five bright people who have enough sense of humor to take it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zath Posted July 7, 2008 Report Share Posted July 7, 2008 Haha amusing.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badass03ss Posted July 7, 2008 Report Share Posted July 7, 2008 lol , good info to live by Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
usabodyguard Posted July 7, 2008 Report Share Posted July 7, 2008 this is the best thing i have read in a long time!!! great find.... and yea, i plan on sending this to my employees... heh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slammedbowtie Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 there was a mad tv spoof on that first one. or maybe it snl. not sure but it was a little longer. haha those are great. and make alot of sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NTMD8R_SS Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 Good find, comical and oh so true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSThunder Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 this is the best thing i have read in a long time!!! great find.... and yea, i plan on sending this to my employees... heh This will be going out tomorrow lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KJT13 Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 good stuff!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WODY'S GIRL Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 That was great!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 "... Psalm 129... Psalm 129... Psalm 129... " Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KJT13 Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 "... Psalm 129... Psalm 129... Psalm 129... " Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fireman31 Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 Those were great Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2006_superado Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 that was great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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