Need Some Legal Advice About My Divorce

[SSThunder]

aftger we sold the house the ex was suppose to move in with her mother. Well she did for 2-3 weeks then her mom was messing with her so she moved in with her boyfriend. She told me this today because our daughter hasn't been sleeping over there this past week and not eating a lot. I think she's been there for a couple months while her new house gets ready for her to move into. My question is this:

 

Is this a violation since she didn't tell me about it? It pisses me off not knowing that this was going on. The bitch puts herself above our daughter IMO and always has. My daughter has been fine here. She eats good and sleeps fine. I moved into my new house 1.5 months ago and was fine with the move.

 

Another quetions is this: Can I do anything about her moving in with her boyfriend? A friend of mine said her and her ex put it into their divorce degree that neither could have an all night guest while they had the child. My cousin is doing the same thing. My divorce is final so I was wondering if I can do anything now?

 

I don't think it's an ideal enviroment for my daughter so it really makes me mad. My buddy told me to document this and seek legal cousel.

[BILLS04SS]

I would seek legal advice. I wouldn't be happy at all like yourself with that situation. I'm just an engineer but I would see legal counsel. Good luck and keep us posted

[Wizard]

Man I hate to hear this crap. I have two really good friends that are going through it as well. It sucks. My buddy has the same situation with his son and his ex is putting herself above the welfare of the child. I hate to say it, but if the divorce is final you probably are out of luck. Unless, of course, you have something written up in the papers.

 

In any of my experiences, a bit of money spent on a good attorney will save you money in the end.]

 

good luck...

Wiz

[SS Silv]

Mr.P is our resident professional in these subjects. I am sure he will chime in.

 

Hope everything works out for you.

[hot rod truck]

Depending on your state laws regarding custody, you should be able to petition the court for review/change of your custody arrangement. Custody agreements will change because circumstances change. Example: You or your ex move to another town. Obviously, there would need to be a modification of custody.

 

There are parenting guidelines the court uses to determine visitation and child support. The court also will look at issues such as overnight guests while the child is there, usually more of an issue the younger the child's age. The judge you go in front of can affect the outcome by his/her interpretation of these guidelines. He could look at what your ex is doing and rule in your favor or determine it's not really much of an issue.

 

Contact a domestic/family law attorney. They should be able to answer most of your questions before you ever get to court. They will also know what judge is more favorable towards your position. Also remember that it's a two way street when it comes to custody so your ex can ask for modifications that can affect you as well.

 

Good luck, Jeremy.

[CenWaSS]

In my experience, the courts will not see it your way. Unless you can prove (in the best interest of the child) the enviroment or mother is bad or unfit; I think you may be stuck. I agree with you, a modification needs to be entered.

 

When my ex moved out of town with our duaghter I was so pissed. Being that she got married and her new husband resided in another town the courts basically said I had no leg to stand on. The only requirement was that she had to notify me in writing of the move two weeks prior. My visitations were increased a bit and we were required to share the transportation costs.

 

Good thing is (and it is so hard) I've learned to kiss my ex's ass, but in return I get my daughter just about anytime I choose; more than the original custudy order.

 

Good Luck

[CoolBlueSS]

It doesn't sound like an ideal situation. I know I wouldn't be happy about it, either. I don't know anything about this subject, but your buddy has a good idea. Document everthing that you can, and seek legal counsel. My parents divorced when I was 12, and my mother used me as a pawn to get at my dad. Whatever you do, don't do that to your daughter. Try to keep her best interest at hand. Best of luck.

[SSThunder]

Yeah I figure I don't have much legal ground here in KY. The mother always gets their way in matters like these. I always put my daughter first but my ex doesn't IMO and it takes a lot to show her as unfit. I just don't understand how people can not see that they are hurting their child. I've given my daughter a great stable home for over a year and when we moved into the house she was and is fine. she calls it Daddy and Abby's house. Her mother is turning out to be just like her mom so that's what has me worried. I will document as much as I can and find a better lawyer. Mine sucked ass pretty bad. The only bad thing is that my ex will see anything as an attack on her and her man and not as trying to do what's best for our daughter. She is just plain stupid. i wish she would just give me full custody and walk away. Abby would be better off.

[GetWithIt]

Alot of things are dependent on the age of the child as well............As mentioned before, document EVERYTHING, including phone calls, face to face conversations etc. etc. I know around here, the court almost always rules in favor of the mother, unless like stated earlier, you can declare her unfit. (Which is a pain to do, but not impossible) I would also be checking out the background of her "new" man, just to be sure that he is legit as well......You can never be too careful when it comes to situations like this......

[CoolBlueSS]

I would also be checking out the background of her "new" man, just to be sure that he is legit as well......You can never be too careful when it comes to situations like this......

That's not a bad idea. This cat will be hanging around your daughter, and you obviously don't want some scumbag around your kid.

[misterp]

Mr.P is our resident professional in these subjects. ...

Ohhhh thanks.

 

aftger we sold the house the ex was suppose to move in with her mother. Well she did for 2-3 weeks then her mom was messing with her so she moved in with her boyfriend. She told me this today because our daughter hasn't been sleeping over there this past week and not eating a lot. I think she's been there for a couple months while her new house gets ready for her to move into. My question is this:

 

Is this a violation since she didn't tell me about it? It pisses me off not knowing that this was going on. The bitch puts herself above our daughter IMO and always has. My daughter has been fine here. She eats good and sleeps fine. I moved into my new house 1.5 months ago and was fine with the move.

 

Another quetions is this: Can I do anything about her moving in with her boyfriend? A friend of mine said her and her ex put it into their divorce degree that neither could have an all night guest while they had the child. My cousin is doing the same thing. My divorce is final so I was wondering if I can do anything now?

 

I don't think it's an ideal enviroment for my daughter so it really makes me mad. My buddy told me to document this and seek legal cousel.

 

You are right to be angered. IMO if your ex put the welfare of their kids first she would have called you a long time ago, and asked you to temporarily care for your daughter until she had her feet underneath her; then again, if she was that kind of woman odds are likely you would not have divorced. As it is right now, wherever the ex goes, the daughter goes like another piece of furniture - your daughter is being treated like a posesssion or accessory, not as an individual; I know that species of ex very, very well. Hindsight and all that...

 

You need to be on the phone with your little girl AT LEAST one hour every other night *minimum*. The reason I say this is because your daughter will let you know ASAP about changes that are affecting her life; it is not good that you get caught by surprise about crap like this. It's been ...6 years (OMG! 6 years!) since my divorce and I've been on the phone every other night with my daughter and stepson, and while not ideal this ritual is the single best thing I've done as a parent and the payoffs have been huge. When you add-up the fact that I get the kids fulltime 6-weeks in the summer, plus 2-3 more weeks in holidays, and also subtract out the fact that their mother only spends evenings and 43 weekends a year with the kids.. running the numbers I realized I actually spend more hours really being a father/parent to my kids than my ex does! And now that my kids are turning from pre-teen to teen I can see all the work paying off, the kids are very sane and well-adjusted in their situation which is FAR less than ideal (bitch mom); we've still got the next phase to go through (early teens) so there's more work coming but so far THEY are doing alright except they miss me.

 

IMPORTANT point about phone calls, you cannot submit recordings of the phone calls to the court as evidence; *however* if you transcribe or keep notes on the contents of your phone calls that written log CAN be submitted as evidence to the court and judges just eat it up. For a while I was recording all my phone calls with the ex and kids and transcribing them, and it was very, very time consuming, basically take the length of your phone call and tripple it.

 

----------------

 

OK J. - point answers to your questions:

 

Is it a violation of your divorce agreement? Hell I dunno, get the papers out and read them! lol.

 

This EXACT point (parent behavior post-divorce) is addressed differently in every divorce decree I've been allowed to see (I've seen a few while I was at Arizona Father's Rights). It all depends on the attorney who crafted the papers; some agreements are very explicit and draconian, some divorce agreements purposely just don't go there.

 

USUALLY, the divorce agreement will contain a lot of boilerplate verbiage centered around 'best interests of the children', and I would expect to find a phrase in there somewhere saying that the custodial parent must give several weeks prior notice if the child's primary residence is to change, or a change in school, or a change in doctor, or a change in church, or a change in phone. Also, I would expect to find a clause in there saying that the custodial parent *must* maintain a legal residence. IF these points were addressed in your divorce decree then you've got the ex dead to rights, if not then I would march back in to your attorney's office, close the door, and rip him/her up one side and down the other because this is exactly the crap that you paid thousands of $$$ for is to make sure sh!t like this got covered in the decree in first place. IMO A child custody agreement worth its salt must contain the phrase that both parents must maintain a legal residence in their name, and that all parties (including the court) must be notified in advance if someone is moving, so that the court knows where the kids are as well as knowing where the non-custodial parent is so child support can be followed-up on by the authorities.

 

Whether these points are actually in black-and-white or not, I would have my attorney send a written legal notice arguing 'best interests of the child' and notifying the court that:

1. the ex has failed to provide notice of change of residence in accordance with your agreement;
   
2. that your ex the 'custodial parent' is right now itinerant (even better, if she has demonstrated failure to hold a regular job lately you could even go so far as to state she is a vagrant, look up the words the legal definitions are important);
   
3. that the living situation provided by the custodial parent is directly corrosive to the welfare of the child (grades have fallen off, appetite gone, sleepless, etc and this will most likely require attachment of a medical professional or counselor's assessment to be taken seriously);
   
4. the non-custodial parent (father) is proven stable, able, and willing to care for the child;
   
5. that if the ex fails to produce proof that she does hold-down a legal residence with her name on the renter/landlord contract in a few days then you petition the court for a temporary change in custody, and that said temporary custody will be reconsidered at such time when the mother delivers proof to the court she can fulfill the original mutually signed custody agreement.
   

CenWaSS is spot-on, the big trick is that you have to demonstrate to the court that it is corrosive to the welfare of the child; if you cannot achieve this then you will be just pushing a chain, but OTOH no judge will let a child stay in a bad situation if the attorney can present enough burden of proof to argue this to actually be the situation.

 

AFA the ex living with someone else, the only control you have is like GetWithIt suggested and your custody agreement contains a clause saying that if the ex associates or cohabitates with undesirables then custody will need to be modified; but you cannot mandate who your ex sees, it is her life after all and the only thing you are interested in is that your daughter is cared for.

 

You know my number, dial it. LOL

Mr. P.