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I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and so we decided to get married.

 

There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two wore very tight mini skirts and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

 

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom and if you want one last wild fling just come up and get me."

 

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.

 

To my surprise my entire future family was standing outside all clapping! With tears in his eyes my father-in-law hugged me and said We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

 

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

:P

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A man was running late for work. Being so close to retirement and fearing for his job, he decided make every last effort to be on time. It wasn't long before he found himself doing 110 mph (in a speed governed SS :P ). As he passed a highway patrol car sitting on the shoulder panic set in. In a flash decision he decided to make a run for it.

 

Coming to his senses he decided to stop and pull over to hope for the best. As the police officer approached his car he thought out his best "story". The police officer was surprised to see such an old man trying to evade him, and considering it was the end of his shift he gave the old man a break... "Sir, my shift is almost over and I don't want the paperwork after arresting you. If you can give me a reason for trying to run from me that I've never heard in my 15 years service as highway patrol, I'll forget this ever happened and let you be on your way."

 

The old man thought... His reply was, "Officer, 13 years ago my wife ran off with a highway patrol officer."

 

The officer didn't seem to follow. Intrigued he inquired, "and that made you run from me?!" as he unhooked his handcuffs.

 

"Hell yeah!" replied the old man. "I thought you were trying to bring her back!".

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