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hot rod truck

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  1. Coincidence

    in Off-Topic/General

    Posted

    A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.

     

    The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

     

    He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

     

    "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.

     

    "What a coincidence," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"

     

    "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

     

    "What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. and my last batch of hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."

     

    "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"

     

    "I switched cocks," he replied.

     

    "What a coincidence," she said.

     

    :wtf::eek::jester:

  2. Engineers

    in Off-Topic/General

    Posted

    UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE ONE

     

    Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,

    "Where did you get such a great bike?"

     

    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday

    minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

     

    The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes

    probably wouldn't have fit."

     

     

     

    UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE TWO

     

    To the optimist, the gla ss is half full.

    To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

     

     

     

    UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE THREE

     

    A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a

    particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with

    these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

     

    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such

    ineptitude!"

     

    The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word

    with him. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're

    rather slow, aren't they?"

     

    The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire

    last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

     

    The group was silent for a moment, then the pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

     

    The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my

    ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

     

    The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

     

     

     

    UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FOUR

     

    What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil

    Engineers?

     

    Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

     

     

     

    UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FIVE

     

    The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

    The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

    The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

    The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fr ies with that?"

     

     

     

    UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SIX

     

    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the

    possible designers of the human body.

     

    One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

     

    Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system

    has many thousands of electrical connections.

     

    The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who

    else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

     

     

     

    UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SEVEN

     

    Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

     

     

     

    UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE EIGHT

     

    An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him

    and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

     

    The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

     

    The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING

    you want."

     

    Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a

    week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

     

    The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

     

    :jester:

     

    :cheers:

  3. The Tree Hugger

    in Off-Topic/General

    Posted

    While walking through the Colorado woods a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.

     

    Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"

    "I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.

     

    "You gotta be kiddin’ me."

     

    "No, would you like to give it a try?"

     

    Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

    Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"

     

    He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "Man, this just ain't your day, Cupcake." :cry:

     

     

    :eek::devil:

  6. Hicks VS. Yuppies

    in Off-Topic/General

    Posted

    That was funny as hell. :crackup: But it kinda seems like it was staged. :wtf:

     

    :withstupid:

     

    Where were the the cell phones? Figure they(BMW guy/girl) would both have cell phones to call the police. They were in a BMW. :wtf:

     

    Wait...I have a better idea! Let's pretend... I have a gun and take your camera away and I'll post it on the internet ... It'll be so COOL! ... I'll get my 15 minutes of fame and the girl :eek::devil:

  11. Something Offensive for Everybody

    in Off-Topic/General

    Posted

    Oldies but Goodies :crackup::cheers:

     

     

    Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

    A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

     

    Q. What's a mixed feeling?

    A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

     

    Q. What's the height of conceit?

    A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

     

    Q. What's the definition of macho?

    A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

     

    Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

    A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

     

    Q. Do you know how hillbillies practice safe sex?

    A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

     

    Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

    A. Because it's worth it!

     

    Q. What is a Yankee?

    A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

     

    Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

    A. They both like a tight seal.

    Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?

     

    A. Their balls are just for decoration.

     

    Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?

    A. About three inches.

     

    Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?

    A. For traction in the mud.

     

    Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

    A. The grip.

     

    Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

    A. It's not hard.

     

    Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

    A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

     

    Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

    A: 45 pounds.

     

    Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

    A: 45 minutes.

     

    Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

    A: Breasts don't have eyes.

     

    Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

    A. The swallow.

     

    Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

    A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

     

    Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

    A . They don't have balls to scratch!

  19. Woodward dream cruise 2006

    in Events, Gatherings, & Rallys

    Posted

    Joe,

     

    When exactly is the dream cruise? Dates? Brian (Hotrod Truck) and his wife Alyce are supposed to be in town with her Camaro. I'd be up for a get together if my schedule permits. Get some of these other Mich. guys that didn't make it to the Zippy Event.

     

    Bob

     

    We are coming up Friday the 18th. We're bringing her ARREST ME Red Camaro vert. :driving: We are staying at the Holiday Inn Express in Warren at 11 Mile Road. Plan on checking out some of the action Friday Night.

    Have parking for Saturday :thumbs:

     

    Isn't the official date Saturday the 19th? The rest is just people hitting the streets.

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