Tyler's Touch Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 Well guys, as if I don't have enough on my plate, my father is an alcoholic, but a functioning one. He has jack and gingers, at least three strong ones a night, in a large dunkin donuts iced coffee cup, as if its hidden. As a matter of fact it's for travel. He drives yes, and drinks. Not wasted drunk, as he has built up a tolerance. I've tried everything from calling 911 due to his heart condition, and being totally drunk, to taking his alcohol from him, dumping it out, etc. It's gotten so bad that he hides it in the rear of his SUV in the floor storage compartment. I don't know what to do, some say let him hit rock bottom? It's taking a toll on me, seeing as how he's not the man he used to be by any means. Most of the time now I'm staying on the couch at my cousins down the street because I hate seeing him drunk. He's combative and quite aggressive and takes out his anger through verbal and physical ways. He calls me almost every night and says "what are you living there now" and then I come back and tell him every time, "Dad I hate seeing you drink, and won't put myself around it" he gets pissed and says whatever most of the time and hangs up. Sometimes it's just a loud "SO WHAT IF I DO." Do I block him out and move on? Just looking for some tips guys...Thanks in advance to the great brotherhood of SSS.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Roknic Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 Sounds like tihings are pretty tough over there. Maybe moving on and letting him hit rock bottom is the only way to make him see he has a problem. I feel for you man, hope things turn around for you soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WODY'S GIRL Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 (edited) This is a hard situation because no one can help him if he does not want to help himself......You said some people say to let him hit rock bottom but by the things u said I do not think thats a good idea... I mean he already drives while drinking so what will his rock bottom be??? maybe killing himself or someone else in a wreck. if i were you i would research places by u that deal with alcholism and maybe get your family together and have your own intervention...i know that seems kind of corny but you really do need to do something before he hurts himself or someone else. Edited August 20, 2008 by WODY'S GIRL (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ces63ss Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 I totaly understand your situation. My father it the same way. I eventually had to move to try and save any possible relationship I had with him. When I got married he told me he was not going to go to my wedding. A long story short. The house he lives in is under my house, all due to his alcohol problem and him loosing it. I told him if he decided not to go that was fine but I did not want to see him there when I returned from my honney moon. He has tried to change but refuses to quite drinking. I dont expect him tto stop but I would love to see him control his drinking. If I was you please try to move. His abuse to you is affecting you. I know it has affected me greatly. I sometimes find myself very angry at the world no thanks to him for all the abuse I had to endure. Do yourself a favor and move and try to save any relationship you still have with him. People like our fathers can not stop drinking it has consumed there lives. Good luck and keep faith in your side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kersey Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 sorry to hear it, you are being put in a bad situation and you will have to be strong to deal with it. my advice is to help as much as you can without destroying yourself. try contacting an AA meeting, they actually have a group for children with drunk parents. my mom called me last night and asked if I would attend her 23 year being sober AA meeting. more than likely from my experience with drunks, it will get worse before it gets better. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SS Silv Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 (edited) Well, I am a recovering alcoholic at age 22. What made me quit was I hit rock bottom. I almost killed myself due to a drug overdose and alcohol poisoning and LOTS of legal trouble. That was enough to make me quit. The problem is, some people's rock bottom is death, which no one wish's for. Now, with your father it might be helpful to do an intervention. The only problem you will run into, is if your father isn't ready to stop drinking. If he is not, than he won't stop. It is tough being the victim of an alcoholic family member, and it is tougher to wait for them to hit a "rock bottom". Right now, my only advice is to not stop pushing the issue that you would like him to seek treatment. LET HIM KNOW HOW HIS DRINKING HAS AFFECTED YOUR LIFE AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. This is one of the most important actions that you can take at this moment. PLEASE feel free to reach me via PM with any question you may have, or even just to vent. I have been through both, my self being an alcoholic and my father as well. Also my number is 701.319.1222 if you need to talk in person. My line is open 24hrs. Take care Tyler! Edited August 20, 2008 by SS Silv (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SS Silv Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 (edited) This is a hard situation because no one can help him if he does not want to help himself......You said some people say to let him hit rock bottom but by the things u said I do not think thats a good idea... I mean he already drives while drinking so what will his rock bottom be??? maybe killing himself or someone else in a wreck. if i were you i would research places by u that deal with alcholism and maybe get your family together and have your own intervention...i know that seems kind of corny but you really do need to do something before he hurts himself of someone else. That is great advice Mel.. Edited August 20, 2008 by SS Silv (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badass03ss Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 i feel your pain, i grew up with drunk stepfather that used to beat my mom and me, after several trips to jail for fighting i said enough is enough, i cut ties with my family, my mom would never leave him so i had no other choice, but 5 years after that i heard she held a gun to his head when he was asleep and no one has heard from him since. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brobradh77 Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 Man I feel for you...I agree you have to do what ever it takes to let him understand how it is effecting you...If you know where he stashes his supply raid it...if he is trying to drive take his keys away or slash his damn tires...Sometimes you have to go to extremes IMO when your dealing with someone who doesnt want help....In the end you need to look out for your own well being and he is hurting that....so if nothing changes i believe you need to get yourself away from the cancer..I know it will be hard but in the end i think it will be best... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ces63ss Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 i feel your pain, i grew up with drunk stepfather that used to beat my mom and me, after several trips to jail for fighting i said enough is enough, i cut ties with my family, my mom would never leave him so i had no other choice, but 5 years after that i heard she held a gun to his head when he was asleep and no one has heard from him since. I appluad your mom for doing something very strong and standing up for herself. see this thread a good vent for most of us. Tyler be strong and I hope all gets beter for you. Please vent on hear. Hope things get beter for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zanis520 Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 that sux man, sorry to hear that. i cant even pretend like i know what ur going through or offer you any advice, but i hope that he gets better and the situation improves. best of luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lefty Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 (edited) The last thing you want to do is "block him out and move on." My Mom was much the same way when I was a teenager. I held a grudge for a long time over how her habits hurt me and my siblings while growing up. When I turned 21, I moved on. I joined the Air Force and left...while continuing to carry that grudge. For 10 years I only spoke to my mom sporadically and on predicted holidays and birthdays. Last year, my mother passed away; she had two massive strokes. I never had the chance to say goodbye, never had the chance to help her, and never had the chance to say I'm sorry for carrying that grudge. Life happens fast and you never know when/how things can change your life in drastic ways. Bottom line, do not "block him out and move on." Do what you can to help him. It is not going to be easy, especially if he does not see the problem and the results of his problem. You should probably sit down with him, when he's is sober, and be completely honest about your feelings and how his drinking is affecting you and your family. Good luck and stay strong. Edited August 20, 2008 by Lefty (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 Don't just 'move on.' My first love battled alcoholism her entire life, and after we had been together a few years it resurfaced and got worse until I finally told her she had two weeks to get sober or I would leave her. And true to my word I left, and over the next 9 years she continued drinking and living as a functional alcoholic until her body completely failed her, when she died she weighed less than 70-lbs. When I was told she was in the hospital she had already been put on morphine, and I rushed to get an airplane ticket and fly to see her but while I was in flight she died. One of my life's regrets is that I should have handled that situation differently. I don't know what to suggest, I don't know what works but I hope sharing with you how I handled (failed?) my personal test will help you decide what options to do or not do. Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kweber1911 Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 I dont know if I will ever feel the pain that some of you have experienced with alcoholism. All I know is that I hope things get better for you Tyler as well as the rest of you. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong Tyler. Kenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tgyotoku83 Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 Well guys, as if I don't have enough on my plate, my father is an alcoholic, but a functioning one. He has jack and gingers, at least three strong ones a night, in a large dunkin donuts iced coffee cup, as if its hidden. As a matter of fact it's for travel. He drives yes, and drinks. Not wasted drunk, as he has built up a tolerance. I've tried everything from calling 911 due to his heart condition, and being totally drunk, to taking his alcohol from him, dumping it out, etc. It's gotten so bad that he hides it in the rear of his SUV in the floor storage compartment. I don't know what to do, some say let him hit rock bottom? It's taking a toll on me, seeing as how he's not the man he used to be by any means. Most of the time now I'm staying on the couch at my cousins down the street because I hate seeing him drunk. He's combative and quite aggressive and takes out his anger through verbal and physical ways. He calls me almost every night and says "what are you living there now" and then I come back and tell him every time, "Dad I hate seeing you drink, and won't put myself around it" he gets pissed and says whatever most of the time and hangs up. Sometimes it's just a loud "SO WHAT IF I DO." Do I block him out and move on? Just looking for some tips guys...Thanks in advance to the great brotherhood of SSS.com I totaly understand your situation. My father it the same way. I eventually had to move to try and save any possible relationship I had with him. When I got married he told me he was not going to go to my wedding. A long story short. The house he lives in is under my house, all due to his alcohol problem and him loosing it. I told him if he decided not to go that was fine but I did not want to see him there when I returned from my honney moon. He has tried to change but refuses to quite drinking. I dont expect him tto stop but I would love to see him control his drinking. If I was you please try to move. His abuse to you is affecting you. I know it has affected me greatly. I sometimes find myself very angry at the world no thanks to him for all the abuse I had to endure. Do yourself a favor and move and try to save any relationship you still have with him. People like our fathers can not stop drinking it has consumed there lives. Good luck and keep faith in your side. I feel your pain brutha... I don't wanna get all into my story but lets just say mine is just like your guys. Functioning alcoholic is the exact way to discribe my pops. His drinking was taking a toll on me while I was growing up so I moved out as soon as I was done with HS and 18. I thought by moving out it would mess up our relationship but in fact I was wrong. It has never been better. I mean he still drinks but it is all on him now and I am not around to see it. I am still there for him if he needs it and visit him a lot so the way I look at it is since I don't live with him anymore when the time does come when he passes away I can look back and say I charished the time I did have with him instead of hate him for what he was putting me through. That is my recomendation to you cuz it has worked for me. Good luck with your decision bro. I hope this helped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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