hot rod truck Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 Why I don't miss management For everyone who has ever had to prepare/give an employee evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations. > > 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig." > > 2. "I would not allow this employee to breed." > > 3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be." > > 4."Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." > > 5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet." > > 6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." > > 7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." > > 8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." > > 9."This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.!" > > 10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together." > > 11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus." > > 12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier." > > 13. "This man's drinking has not interfered with his work. > > 14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime." > > 15. "He's been working with glue too much." > > 16. "He would argue with a sign post." > > 17. "He brings a lot of joy when ever he leaves the room." > > 18."When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell." > > 19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one." > > 20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on." > > 21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection." > > 22. "Donated his brain to science before he was finished using it." > > 23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming." > > 24. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it." > > 25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week." > > 26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts,you'd get change." > > 27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean." > > 28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm." > > 29. "One neuron short of a synapse." > > 30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled." > > 31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'." > > 32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daves1996 Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 I am in tears over this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdg Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 Thanks, that's great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tawss04 Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 Yea I've had a few to many employees that fir alot of those Its so hard to find good help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smithl3 Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 That is absolutely Pulitzer. My favorite one: 25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSAlaska Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 Try writing an Air Force EPR. Now thats fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WI_Dave Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSThunder Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 good stuff > 24. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoolBlueSS Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 Those are great. I've worked with people like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hot rod truck Posted March 2, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 The irony for me is I could never put any comments like that on an evaluation, even when it was a "well deserving" employee. I always had my immediate supervisor who had to review them before I could give it to the employee. My supervisor was # 2 & 7 . He didn't get promoted because of his knowledge or expertise. I believe he had an unlimited supply of kneepads and KY Jelly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zippy Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 man, i've worked with so many of them... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChevySSandChevy8.1 Posted March 3, 2006 Report Share Posted March 3, 2006 I've actually seen a couple of those before, such as the he sets low personal goals and fails to achieve them. One of the managers told me once about having to change one of the supervisors's comment because it read, good at repetitive tasks, but if you gave him a banana, he would probably start throwing his feces all over the room. He later changed it to Hard worker, but lacks personal hygiene. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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