a-blur-by-you Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 I want to share something personal on this forum, and I hope I get some positve feedback from you. Too make a long story short I am without my wife. I came home from work Saturday and she left with all her belongings. No letter, no note or any contact or reason as to why. I belived this was planned because she left a list of things she wanted to take from each room and did it in a 6 hour time frame. She has always had good morals about her but here self pride takes the best of her but unfortunately her "divorced" friends play a huge part in her life. In order her family, friends, then myself came last, I have felt for a long time. 5 weeks ago an arguement struck and the words "I am going to my parents house and not coming back" was said. In shock I couldn't believe she said that. She also took everything in savings and closed the account. We did argue the night before and I believe that was all she needed. I am really heart broken. I don't know what her intentions are, we have been seperated before but went through marriage counseling and had gotten back together. I don't think it will go that way this time. I am prepared for the worst. I recently bought a carbon fiber hood for my 05 SSS and now need to sell it. If someone can put the post "check her out boys" I wrote up about a month ago with the pic pf the hood I would appreciate it. She took the camera so I have no way of taking pictures. I will do my best to keep the truck but since it's my responsibilty to pay the mortgage now we'll have to see. I will ship out the hood, I paid $650.00 for it, weighs about 17 pounds and is free of any scratches. Some adjustments may be required when bolting it up. Any reasonable offers please, just PM me. I was thinking 500.00 shipped. Please be kind with your comments and thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
04CHASE Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 that does suck, best of luck to you , i wish i could give you advice but im to young to have any experience in that department, hang in there man .i dont think youll have a hard time getting rid of that hood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
montanass Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 damn bro... thats too bad... good luck with that and hopefully you can hang on to your truck... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
montanass Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 (edited) here's a link to the photo of his hood: CLICK HERE There you go... Edit: sorry the pic was really big Edited May 23, 2006 by montanass (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Z4pp Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 That's a real shame man! Best of luck to you, hope shes just blowing off some steam and comes back to you. GOOD LUCK!!! keep your head up too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adams2003 Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 Man that really sucks. Down the road you might look back and say it was for the best. Just try and hang in there man. About the hood, did you ever weigh it compared to the stock hood? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaotik1 Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 Man really really sorry to hear that. I went through something very similar, without being married. It's was probably one of the hardest things to go through. It doeas get better as time goes on, and you will be happy again. How long that takes is purley up to you. Be positive you have alot of support here, your friends will also be key. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 (edited) I am really sorry to hear this, I remember that heartbroken feeling. You have divorced friends too, and this one is going to agree with your statement that things do not look good. As you do not mention kids, I am assuming you and your wife do not have children. It is fact that most women who exit a marriage begin planning to do so 11-months prior (on average). No matter the feelings involved on either person's part there is no changing the fact that you are dealing with an individual that has made up their mind. Let's talk a moment about "civilized divorce" - here's what SHOULD have happened - the both of you should have recognized that a marriage is a partnership on every level, including a business partnership. She should have just told you 'I am sorry, but I have decided that I am going my own way' and then the both of you discuss how you are going to dissolve the partnership, ie how the outstanding bills of the business will be jointly paid, and how any assets of the partnership will be equitably divided. The problem is that in the real world, if you ever marry someone that is truly considerate and ethical in the first place you will probably never reach divorce, that is why 99% of these situations are so shitty - one or both persons are not very considerate of the joint partnership, let alone the other person in said partnership. The forgotten or unsaid point here is that household items and money and everything else DOES NOT BELONG TO EITHER ONE OF YOU, it belongs to 'the partnership'. That money (for example) is not hers, nor is it yours - it is an asset of the marriage and neither of you have title or ownership of it; you both had stewardship of it, but that's all. What she has done is embezzled from the marriage; she might have convinced herself (wrongly) that she had every right to do so, but that still does not change the fact she stole property from your joint venture as she saw fit. When you frame the situation in those terms, it starts to make sense why you are so pissed - she took stuff that did not belong to either one of you, all the while telling herself she had every right to do so... I believe you learn most about person's true character in fringe situations, and divorce is one of these on-the-edge kind of happenings. The fact that your spouse just up and decides what is going to happen to all the assets of the "business", again NONE of which are technically hers or yours, demonstrates several important facts about this person, (1) she could care less what you think about anything, (2) she does not make the effort to be above-board in difficult situations, ie she behaves ethically only when it is easy or immediately suits her, (3) I'm guessing that she's probably inconsiderate on the whole, even back in happier times. Keep things in perspective - what you are living through has been experienced by milliions of people (men and women) before you, and will happen again to millions in the future; this is a common experience so don't feel like you're the first. You actually have a lot more support than you might think. My suggestion - tell her that you sincerely, really want her to be happy, and if her leaving is what will make her happiest then tell her you want that for her. BUT, also tell her that just because she is leaving does not mean that she is leaving with all the assets, or skipping-out on joint debt (another form of 'marital embezzlement'), and that means you expect the both of you to own-up and pay your debts. And the sooner you can do that the better off you are going to be overall. But given her prior inconsiderate behavior I would not be the least surprised if you just get a scoff out of her, and then you will be needing a good attorney to make her hold-up her end in the business-side of your partnership. Mr. P. Edit - I'll add something else, that is I am not all doom-and-gloom. If your wife had conducted her personal self in an above-board fashion I would have suggested that you both attend PAIRS, a fantastic life-changing relationship workshop. PAIRS promises that you will either repair yourselves and have a vibrant marriage or divorce as friends, and it works. Everyone should go through PAIRS, it's worth every penny. In my own situation my now ex did quite a bit of marrital embezzling on many levels, and I have sworn that I will not be involved with a thief or person having 'convenient ethics' again. Then again four years later I'm still single. Steve Edited May 23, 2006 by misterp (see edit history) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a-blur-by-you Posted May 23, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 Man that really sucks. Down the road you might look back and say it was for the best. Just try and hang in there man. About the hood, did you ever weigh it compared to the stock hood? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> At least 20lbs. lighter. VIS Carbon Fiber Hood Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a-blur-by-you Posted May 23, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 Steve That is some of the best advice I have ever heard. You are trully a stand up guy and I appreciate the truth to the situation you wrote. My feelings at this point is I have some of the best friends in the world even though we have never met. Thank you all so much for the kind words!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big O Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 http://www.postwhore.biz/albums/userpics/10117/100_2048.JPG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dylan06SS Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 Ouch man... thats gotta hurt some. I've been there... in the first year and a half of my marrige I was positive there were a couple of times where we weren't gonna make it... a period of time where she actually left home and I had no idea where she was. At first I was mad... then kinda relieved... but the longer it went on the more I realized I had married her for a reason and I wasn't gonna let the relationship die without a fight. We worked everything out and tomrow is actually our 3 year anniversary. You need to contact her and let her know you're not willing to throw everything away yet... even if she is. Meet her somewhere neutral and lay everything on the table... if it works out then it was meant to be... if not maybe she wasn't right for you. Whatever happens you know you can come here and vent bro... we've all been there in one way or another. **On another note - why is it socially acceptable for a woman to run out on a man, take all of the posessions they've accumulated, and clear the bank account? If the situation is reversed the man is a criminal... woman bitch about wanting equality... maybe they should act like they deserve it. [/end rant] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misterp Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 Couldn't agree more. Too bad I have to be in McAllen for a wedding this weekend, or I'd come to El Paso and check out those shaved door handles... Mr. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sum 1 Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 Sad story about the wife. Seems like you two had been a tough place for a while, having gone to counseling previously, the arguing and her apparent "plan" to leave are all factors leading to this. Sounds like you just can't make this woman happy, for whatever reasons. Surely, she has her own 'side' to the story and is able to justify her actions in her own mind. She took the opportunity to clean herself out of your home and withdraw your savings because she's either too selfish to compromise herself to the marriage or is just so miserable that she can't hang in there any longer. Either way, you're going to be better off without her. Together, she'll just continue to bring you down with her (as she's doing now) and over time everything that ever goes wrong will always be YOUR fault (as she might claim now). As badly as you may want to, I'm going to suggest you don't chase her. It'll only be setting yourself up for more heartache and allow her more opportunity to abuse you mentally or otherwise. Instead, collect your thoughts, call on a couple of real friends, grieve and move on. Above all, don't self-destruct! From here on, it's all about you! Don't give her the satisfaction of lowering yourself any further or of embarassing yourself by doing mad burnouts in front of her parent's house. If she proceeds with a divorce, give it to her and do not conceed anything that you feel you're entitled to. Too often in a divorce one of the spouses feels a sense of defeat and gives up on their belongings because they're unable to think straight. Find a prick attorney and be a prick about it. She took from your home without your consent and for that, she deserves to lose this one. Noone fux with you like that, NOONE! Now grab a beer, crank up some of your favorite music that she didn't like and start enjoying your life again, Mister! The truck guys believe in you, man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FuelSlut Posted May 23, 2006 Report Share Posted May 23, 2006 wow, that sure is a BEAUTIFUL hood... im really sorry i cannot take it off your hands at the moment... as for the subject at hand... i too am also too young and lack experience in the "married" field... however, i have had many many relationships... some good... some bad... the only thing i can see fit (which i firmly believe to be true...) is that if it were meant to be... and i mean TRUELY BE... she (it) will come back to you... all and for the better... if not, try your DMAN HARDEST to move on, keep your head straight up... and make the absolute BEST of the situation... for at that point it will be ALL that you can do... everything, and i mean everything... happens for a reason, keep your chin up man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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