Bad Bowtie

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, 'Hello.' He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, 'So, you are that stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table? Years back- When all my buddies were watching & your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?' She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

A retired, wealthy, widower has been dating three women for some time, and has decided it's time to ask one of them to marry him. But, he can't decide which one; so he gives them each 10 thousand dollars, tells them to do with it whatever they want, and to come back in a week, and tell him what they did with the money. A week goes by, and the first woman tells him she spent the money on a gym membership, spa treatments, makeup, and clothes; all to make herself more desirable to him. The second woman spent the money on a reliable car so she could visit him more often as she had a long drive and did't trust her old car. The third said she invested the 10 thousand dollars, and in a weeks time doubled her money; she then gave him back the original 10 thousand, and said she was going to reinvest the ten thousand she earned. So, which one did he ask to marry him?........................................The one with the biggest tits!!!

That looks like the 2005+ traction control on/off button. Check your owners manual to confirm this.

That's what I'm talking about...

I heard that these "kids" father is trying to start some $hit now too!! Also, heard their is ANOTHER family member the FBI is looking for up there now too....

The new SS sales will be restricted at first for actual, individual consumers. Fleet vehicles will become available later.... I've read this from GM somewhere.

Well, Now the FBI is saying no arrest has been made??? It is all conflicting reports....? WTH?!

So I saw at lunch they made an arrest today, based off 2 video feeds (evidence). I say strap a pressure cooker bomb in a backpack, on his back, and make him jog the Boston Marthon route. If he stops moving the bomb goes off. This way the Boston crowd can beat his a&s with sticks, pipes, knuckles, WHATEVER, while he's moving down the route!! LOL!!!

FUNNY!!!

Unreal. Can't beleive he even FOUND a helper!!

Checkered flag = FTW!!! Clean & low mileage, even the radio/steering wheel buttons look good. Just needs a new drivers side seat bolster...

WARNING ABOUT E-BAY: Be careful what you buy on eBay. If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully. A friend has just spent $95, plus sales tax, on a penis enlarger. Basta*ds sent him a magnifying glass!! The only instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight"

They are not available anymore. There is one GM dealer out in Cali, but they refuse to sell them....

Maybe someone was trying to slowly "steal" yours & scratched it up??? Clean the old tape all off & prep the painted tailgate surface with somw rubbing alcohol. Then peel back & and attached the spoiler back on with new 3M double sided tape. Take a soft towel & go back along the edges of your reapplied spoiler, push down as you move across the surface. Good luck.

This does suck man- I'm pulling for you!!! Who is your insurance company??

A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something? If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?" The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?" The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."

Any bumper will work, just have to remove all the NON-SSS step pads.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed a jackass lying in the middle of his front lawn. It was dead. He promptly called the local sheriff's office. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Deputy Jones. How might I help you?" "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?" Deputy Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now, Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment ... Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for my call."

Glad you fixed it Matt. After reading your OP, I knew just pulling the rear wheels & rotors off would tell us a lot. Keep an eye on that inst. cluster though, a white faced (w/trans temp guage) SSS cluster should be ur next mod.

-I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster. -I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it. -After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Screw it, soldier on!” -I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30. -The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" -My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you a$s!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!" -A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100 meter final. I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?" "No," she said, "Eight black men and a gun." -A Catholic boy in confession says, “Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister.” “That's a disgrace,” said the priest, “especially when you have two gorgeous brothers.” -A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor. -I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex. -My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault..... I should have taken them off.

ME THREE!!!