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Bad Bowtie

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Posts posted by Bad Bowtie

  2. JOTD: Psychiatrists vs Bartender

    in Off-Topic/General

    Posted


    Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him my story.

    "I've got problems", I said. "Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

    The shrink said "Just put yourself in my hands for one year. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

    "How much do you charge?" I asked.

    "Eighty dollars per visit", replied the doctor.

    "I'll sleep on it," I said.

    Six months later I saw the doctor on the street and he asked "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?"

    I said "Well, Eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00, and I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and bought me a new pickup truck."

    "Is that so," the shrink said with a bit of an attitude. "And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

    "He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now."


    FORGET THE SHRINKS. HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO A BARTENDER! IT"S ALWAYS BETTER TO GET A SECOND OPINION. rollin.gif

     

  3. JOTD: The Neighbor's Confession.

    in Off-Topic/General

    Posted

    A man received the following text from his neighbor:


    I’m so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
    I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.
    In fact, more than you. I do not get any at home, but that's no excuse.
    I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology, with my promise that it won't happen again.

    The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun,
    and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

    A few moments later, a second text came in:

    Damn autocorrect! I meant "wifi", not "wife".
    willy_nilly.gif

  4. JOTD: SEX ED

    in Off-Topic/General

    Posted

    A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy had been looking out of the window.

    He turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

    The mother couldn't think of an answer. She told her son to ask the flight attendant.

    He went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

    The busy flight attendant smiled and asked the boy, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

    The boy replied, "Yes, she did."

    "Well," said the flight attendant, "you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you." laughing.gif

     

  5. JOTD: The Physical

    in Off-Topic/General

    Posted · Edited by Bad Bowtie (see edit history)

    An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.

     

    When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

     

    The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'."

     

    The old guy obeys and says, "99".

     

    The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".

     

    Again, the old guy says, '99'."

     

    The doctor said, "That's very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised

     

    slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.

     

    The old guy begins, "One, two, three..."

    :jester:

  7. JOTD: Rye Bread

    in Off-Topic/General

    Posted

    Two old guys were sitting on a park bench one morning.

    The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

    The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

     

    The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high, and you'll have great stamina with the ladies." :cool:

    So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.

    "Do you have any rye bread?", he asked her.

    She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

     

    He replied back, "I want 5 loaves."

    She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be too hard."

    He replied, "I can't believe it!! Everybody knows about this but me!"

     

    :jester:

  21. WANTED !! SS Dash Badge emblem

    in For Sale/ Wanted

    Posted

    WOW!! I didn't know GM had discontinued these dash inserts!!

     

    GM PN# was 15178169. They are long gone now, I even tried GM's parts locator system, there isn't a single dealer in the USA that shows one in THEIR inventory!! :thumbsdown:

     

    Even running that PN# on Ebay only shows 2 dash inserts, but they are missing the actual "SS" letters- It's just a molded bezel....??

     

    Good luck in your search...

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