Bad Bowtie
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Posts posted by Bad Bowtie
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ME THREE!!!
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Students in a Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'.
The question was worth 70 points, or none at all.
One student in particular was hard put to think of seven advantages.
However, he wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang
indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A...
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If you end up breaking the bezel tabs, you can try using 3M double sided tab on the sides of you old bezel 1st (before buying/painting a new bezel).
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I bet your rear E-Brake lining are toast!! Pull the rear wheels off & remove the rotors- If you can.
I think the speed-o problem is just a coincidence too. Time for the white faced SSS cluster (w/trans temp) upgrade. You can find them on Ebay for an exchange on your old VHO one. Most vendors will even program your mileage in...
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A farmer knocked on a door and a very pretty young lady dressed in a very sheer negligee answered.
He raised his basket to show her some peaches he had for sale. He asked the lady, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"
She pulled the top of her negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"
He nodded his head and said, "Yes," and a little tear ran from his eye.
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"
The farmer said, "Yes," and another tear came fromthe other eye.
The lady then opened the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"
He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying.
The lady said, "What in the world is wrong with you?"
Drying his eyes he said, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my cotton and now, I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches." -
Trust me! You want to read this story...
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
Apparently, I’m still lost… It’s a man thing. -
305/50R20's is what I put on my 2004 GMC VHO, right before I sold it. They looked great- Just watch the weight (varies amongst each tire manufacturer).
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LOVED IT!!! I wish ALL our NASCAR drivers would pul this stunt at a local used ar lot.
That would cover more than half our 50 states... It would def be something the car lot would be talking about for YEARS too!!!
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Congrat's dude!!!
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If it's a 1/2 ton, it better have the 6.2L
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A woman took her baby boy to the doctor because he had a bad case of the hiccups.
The doctor told her to take the baby home and tie a blue ribbon on his private. She did and he stopped the hiccups!!
Later that night her husband came home drunk passed out then started snoring so she tied the blue ribbon on his private.
He stopped snoring but started back a little while later.
So she was going to try it again but she only had a piece of red ribbon. So she tied it on him and he shut up for the rest of the night.
The next morning when he woke up his wife ask him, "Just where were you last night"?
The guy looked down at himself and said "I'm not sure- But I do know I won first and second prize".
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I like the ideal of helping the local police, by using a SSS as a "bait" vehicle in that parking lot.
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A married lady was "entertaining" a delivery man in her bedroom when all at once they heard a car door slam.
The young man jumped out the window with no time to grab his clothes. He hid in the bushes wondering how he was ever going to get home when he saw a group of joggers coming down the street.
He figured he could just join in and maybe not be noticed.
As he is running along, the man next to him asks, "Do you always jog naked??"
The young man replied that yes he did.
Then another male jogger asked "Do you always wear a condom?"
The young man replied "Well, only when it looks like rain."
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Nice find. I good junk yard WHITE fender should be very easy to find too!!!
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Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal police pat down. I was looking for my keys.
They were not in my pockets or my purse. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice: "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me, please."
He retorted, "I was on my way, but I'll be delayed."
"Why is that?" I asked.
"Because I was pulled over by the police and now have to convince them that I didn't steal your car."
Yep, it's the golden years...
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Looks like he used it as a "farm truck" to me too, it even looks like it is hitched to that trailer behind it.
Filthy for such a rare truck, NO respect.
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Congrats on the cool purchase....
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I'm replacing the lower left switch in my father's 2004 VHO. I got the worn out switch out, but the wires are way too short to plug the new switch back in.
I guess on some of these, we have to disconnect the battery & pull the air bag out to get enough slack in the wire harness (to reinstall the switches)??
-Jon in TX.
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And people on 110% disability, who are working FULL-TIME, AND "collecting checks"??
110% disable? Shouldn't that mean your 6' under?
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I'm in the military so we are getting hit hard. A lot of us are not allowed to re-enlist. I'm safe for right now since I'm already 12 years in.
That's terrible, something I'd never heard/thought of before.
Thank you for your service.
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I'd like to start this back up......
I just put a dual in/out magnaflow built in x muffler in over the weekend and i want to shoot myself now, it drones so bad!!! It is the worst thing ever in life right now. Stock is to quiet this is just plain obnoxious. Please help before I put the stocker back in. I just want a tiny bit louder then stock honestly.
Single in, single out though....
http://www.borla.com/products/muffler:_675_rd__x_2400_lon_part__19131347.html
JOTD: (A few "one liners" for us sick-o's)
in Off-Topic/General
Posted
-I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
-I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
-After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Screw it, soldier on!”
-I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
-The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
-My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you a$s!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
-A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100 meter final. I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?" "No," she said, "Eight black men and a gun."
-A Catholic boy in confession says, “Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister.” “That's a disgrace,” said the priest, “especially when you have two gorgeous brothers.”
-A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.
-I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
-My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault..... I should have taken them off.